


In Between

by Jettee



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Titan War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-02-13 10:38:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2147562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jettee/pseuds/Jettee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In 851 Erwin Smith's operations come to an abrupt end as he is taken into custody as a political prisoner. Hanji Zoë is dismissed from her commanding position. Levi and Krista are MIA. The Survey Corps loses independence and scouts are suspended from active duty. For two consecutive years the Survey Corps' ranks are closed for new recruits.<br/>Now it's 853. The war with the Titans continues. The interactions between all three branches of military are full of tension and mutual animosity. Jean gets new recruits under his command, there's another expedition in the near future, and freedom of mankind is at stake once more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is canon compliant with the anime and manga to 56th chapter (well, almost canon compliant, but I tried not to change the original history too much). After that all bets are off. I like military settings, political turmoil, and brotherhood in arms (not to mention Eren and Jean together), and I really couldn't get this story out of my head, so here it is. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own SnK | AoT, this is just for fun.

_**851** _

Dawn was only breaking when the castle's corridors echoed with metallic sounds of shod boots hitting stone in a haste rumble. One by one the doors to the quarters were broken open. Soldiers, ripped from their sleep, were herded into the courtyard, where they were knocked down on their knees and with muzzles of stationary guards' rifles aimed at their heads. No one offered them any sort of explanation; words came only in a form of insults thrown here and there by their assailants. Any attempt at talking ended with a close encounter with a rifle butt.

"Do not resist!" Hanji Zoë, the fourteenth Commander of the Survey Corps, shouted loud and clear enough to be heard over the courtyard, as she was led out from the castle as one of the last of them. She walked with an escort of the Military Police soldiers, one of them a lieutenant if the insignia on his uniform weren't false. As it turned out, he was the one commanding the joined troops of the Military Police Brigade and the Garrison.

"General Headquarters as well as any other outpost of the Survey Corps hereby pass under the jurisdiction of the Military Police Brigade and Commander Nile Doke," he spoke loudly, raising his voice with every word despite that the noise on the courtyard subsided after Commander Zoë's order. He didn't even try to hide his satisfaction while he recited orders like a poem learned by heart. "Commander Hanji Zoë is to be dismissed from her position in the Survey Corps. Soldiers of the Survey Corps fall under the orders of the Military Police Brigade and from this moment forth are suspended from active duty until further notice. The maneuvering gear and weapons are to be confiscated until cancellation."

In that exact moment, as if someone gave them a sign, the Brigade's soldiers began to spill out from the castle with confiscated equipment. 3DMG was stocked on the Survey Corps' wagons, the Survey Corps' horses hitched between the thills. Amongst the scouts a disapproving murmur was getting stronger with every new item carelessly thrown onto growing pile of their own equipment. There was no proper recording of confiscated gear; just a single sheet of paper where some kid soldier marked the quantity with small dots. 

"Silence!" Commander Zoë was disturbed by this lack of competence and respect just like any other soldier from the Corps' but it was her responsibility to try and prevent unnecessary skirmishes. The military police assisted by the stationary guards had an advantage in numbers and arms. Chaotic blows delivered to the scouts who tried to protest too loudly ended with more and more serious wounds. Mike Zacharius couldn't open his eyes, both of them heavily swollen. Morgan Morsey held a dislocated shoulder tightly to his side. Moblit Berner got a nasty cut on his temple and swayed on his knees, barely keeping balance. Jean Kirschtein was pressing one hand to his face in a vain attempt to stop profuse bleeding from his nose, his shirt already stained with blood. "On what basis are you acting like this?" she asked.

"The King, may the Goddesses bless His Majesty, declared state of emergency as a conspiracy aimed at monarchy was uncovered," the lieutenant answered. "General Zackly and Commander Doke are already on their way here. Further proceedings as well as the status of the Survey Corps soldiers shall be decided after their arrival." His next words were spoken quietly but with no less satisfaction. "You failed spectacularly, Zoë. It's the end of good times for all of you arrogant assholes from the Survey Corps." 

They waited for Zackly and Doke past noon, all that time in the courtyard, on their knees, held at gunpoint. 

"There's no Historia Reiss or Corporal Ackerman among them," the lieutenant reported when his superiors arrived at last. 

"You didn't ask about Corporal Ackerman," Zoë said. "You would be informed that he didn't return from his last expedition beyond the Walls. He's on the MIA official list."

"And Reiss?" 

"There's no one in the Survey Corps known by that name."

Zackly and Doke exchanged sullen looks.

"We didn't find in soldiers' quarters anything that would indicate their involvement in a conspiracy," the lieutenant continued, but now with no real enthusiasm.

"Which doesn't mean it's not a bunch of crazy freaks," one of the common soldiers from the Brigade said to his colleagues, loud enough to be heard by the officers, too. Apparently he was in one of the groups that searched the castle. Only seemingly discreetly he displayed something that looked like a piece of shapelessly folded fabric. He spat on the ground, and when he spoke again his voice was full of disgust. "Do you want to know what this is?"

Before he could give an answer to his own question, he was on his back in the courtyard's dust, tackled by Kirschtein and trying to protect himself from a furious rain of blows. A moment passed before stunned soldiers figured out what was going on. But then it was already too late to save the situation: when first of them moved toward Jean, he was attacked by Jaeger. Then Mikasa Ackerman was on the move, and then Connie Springer, Sasha Braus, Armin Arlert, Mike Zacharius and the rest of the scouts. On the other side: the military police. Strangely, the stationary guards remained motionless.

Zoë tried to stop the chaos, but only because she was perfectly aware of how it would end. From his position Doke was calling everyone to order, but to no avail.

"All soldiers from the Survey Corps shall remain in the custody here or in their current accommodations as long as the declaration of emergency is in force," Zackly said, grimly watching the unfolding scene. "Commander Doke, you will see to proper consequences that all of the soldiers engaged here will face. The longer it lasts the more severe shall they be. Zoë, lead to headquarters. We have a lot to discuss."

____________________

_**present** _

There was no escape from dampness that came with fall in a form of unceasing misting rain, just as there was no escape from the Titans. No, wrong; the Walls protected people from the monsters at least as long as they were intact and the beasts inside were sleeping, whereas the dampness reigned on both sides of the protecting ring of Rose, outdoors and inside, even in the barracks of new Survey Corps' base, as they were never warm enough from wood logs deficiency these days.

That was what Jean was thinking about as he rode back with five other scouts from a mission accomplished in between the Wall Rose and the Wall Maria. His cloak was soaking wet, and it didn't protect him from cold anymore. May someone kindle hearth in their room, may the bed and blankets be dry - at least a little drier than the uniform that was sticking unpleasantly to his wet skin, making him shiver.

A few torches lit the darkness ahead of them, signaling that guards on a palisade that rounded the fort noticed them. The gates were opened, and the scouts one after another rode in under watchful eyes of soldiers from the Garrison.

"Commander wants to see you."

Sudden voice of a young military police soldier that sounded too close for comfort was enough to shake away the half-lethargy that came upon Jean in the way back here. He looked at Robbie Delinger, twenty-something blond with strikingly bright eyes, but his squad leader just shrugged and left without a word, taking both of their horses to the stables. It was Jean decision to go - in fact it was no decision at all as the Brigade's soldier spoke once more.

"Now", he said expectantly, scowling.

Jean sighed, and without any questions - he knew he wouldn't get any answers - went to one of bigger barracks, all of them built with their own hands.

Commander Keith Shadis was already waiting for him, but the former head instructor wasn't the only one in the room. Leaning on a windowsill was Captain Nixon Burke, a liaison officer assigned to supervise the Survey Corps on behalf of the Military Police Brigade. As far as possible from him sat Captain Hanji Zoë. She wasn't the Survey Corps' Commander anymore, dismissed from her position by Chief Darius Zackly. Smith's predecessor was commissioned in her place, reluctantly claiming his former duty again. She still had the research teams under her command, though. Next to her chair stood Captain Mike Zacharius. As the Team Leader he was responsible for all combat teams. 

The only thing missing was someone from the Garrison for the full view of all influences that the Survey Corps operated under for almost three years now.

Jean came stiffly to a halt before all of them and saluted.

"At ease." The present Commander still sounded like the drill instructor from training grounds, whose earsplitting tirades pursued Jean's nightmares till this day. "Kirschtein. We know you just came back so we will try to not prolong it unnecessary. Zoë."

Hanji raised to her feet and handed Jean a steaming mug of something with a pleasant aroma of herbs. Hot drink wasn't the same as hot meal after three days away from civilization, but it was better than nothing. Jean thanked her quietly. He relaxed his posture. He didn't even try to guess what it was all about. Warming his hands with ceramic and letting the drink steam straight onto his face he waited for Hanji's words. But it wasn't her who spoke next. 

"Mission?" Burke asked, looking at him sternly with arms crossed over his chest.

Once more Jean automatically stood at attention. He could swear that the impassive gaze of steely eyes catalogued every trace of blood, every mud-stain and every wrinkle on his uniform, fueling Burke's widely known disdain to the scouts and the Survey Corps. 

"Accomplished successfully with no loss on our side, sir."

Everyone returned alive even if half frozen, bruised, hungry, and only by a sheer power of will staying conscious. But he didn't say all that aloud.

Burke slowly approached him. With the same impassive eyes he always had for the scouts he tardily walked around him, step by rigid step. He stopped in front of him, deliberately blocking his view of the other officers.

"I heard that before you graduated you had been determined to join the Military Police Brigade. Is that true?"

Now Jean wished he didn't took the drink from Zoë. Captain's Burke tone clearly demanded a proper stance, impossible to keep with a mug in hand. With space too small between them it was hard to look the captain straight in the face and not to seem defiant.

"Yes, sir."

"Why did you change your mind?"

"The Battle of Trost made me realize the major objective of a soldier: fighting the Titans. Only the Survey Corps is ready for that."

"And is that 'objective' more important than guarding His Majesty from the threat?" Burke asked with a sneer, but then continued without a pause. "No, don't answer that, Kirschtein. Smith gave us enough evidence for poisonous ideas that have been spreading among the soldiers here in the Corps."

"Captain Burke, this is not what we called Kirschtein for," Shadis cut in calmly. "Can we possibly discuss the real matter here?"

"Why, yes, of course, Commander. I'm done."

Jean exhaled slowly when Captain Burke returned to the windowsill, only now realizing that he was holding his breath. He never regretted his choice after the Battle of Trost, not really, but even if, almost a year of inactivity in the custody of the Military Police Brigade and their lasting supervision in new Survey Corps' fort cured all his old fantasies of the emblem with a magical unicorn once and for all. He glanced discreetly in Captain Zacharius' direction. Mike nodded slightly at him, approvingly. 

"Captain Zoë, please continue." 

Hanji immediately went on, not allowing further interruptions from Burke.

"I don't have to explain why we didn't have any recruits in the last two years. Finally, this year, we open our ranks to new soldiers, of course under the watchful eye of Captain Burke." Neither her tone nor the implacable expression hid her true opinion of the military police officer. "Eighteen cadets enlisted to the Survey Corps: eight this year's graduates as well as six stationary guards and four military policemen who couldn't join the scouts a year and two years ago. They arrived two days ago. Eighteen recruits with military training, albeit not from under the firm hand of Commander Shadis. Three squads. From now on they are yours, Jean."

Jean was silent for a long moment. Questioning gaze moved from Zoë to Shadis. Commander confirmed Captain Zoë's unbelievable statement with a small nod. Even Mike didn't come to his aid, watching the scene with a kind of grim amusement. Maybe it was a grim joke?

"Mine?" he asked hesitantly.

"New soldiers need a new commanding officer. For the moment we don't have anyone better without an assignment."

Mike's words, accompanied by a crooked, joyless smile, didn't sound like a compliment, but Jean didn't expect compliments. An explanation, however, would be more than welcome. Wouldn't it be better if recruits were assigned to different teams led by experienced officers?

"Are you perhaps expecting us to explain our decision to you, soldier?" Burke asked icily, clearly calling him to order. Soldiers got commands not explanations, Jean should know that very well after six years of duty.

"No, sir."

"Springer and Braus will be your squad leaders, you work well together," Mike said, serious and more formal than Hanji earlier, perhaps not wanting to provoke further comments from Burke. "During a mission each of you will lead a squad of six recruits, but you are the one responsible for all of them. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"We do not leave you alone in this, Jean, my door are always open in case of any problems, though Rose, Maria and Sina know my hands will be full with my own new lot."

'Eighteen recruits with military training', Hanji had said earlier as if there could be ones without it. Jean wanted to ask, but the previous reprimand from Captain Burke effectively prevented him from doing so. Mike, however, had no objections to tell him more even without prompting questions.

"Remember this moment, kid. This is the beginning of a new era: the Survey Corps turns into a dump of social waste. Our ranks are so scarce that the Administration decided to support us by throwing twelve prisoners at our heads. The great twelfth that reinforces the elite troops of scouts instead of waiting for an end in some pit. Well, it's not the first time that someone from the underworld joins us, but I doubt that we will be as lucky now as we were then."

 _That_ was a grim joke.

"Enough," Shadis stopped Zacharius' rant before it went too far. "Kirschtein, from now on you are assigned to the 4th Company, squads 8th, 9th and 10th. That's all for now. Go."

"Yes, sir."

Jean saluted. On his way out he felt uncomfortable prickling sensation of someone's gaze on his neck. He didn't turn back to see just how they were looking at him as he was leaving the room, new assignment and new responsibility over his head.

What he just heard was hard to comprehend. Everyone expected recruits that year, yes. And Jean had already led a team once or twice, but only within the complete formation and with Mike Zacharius as the commanding officer. And at those rare occasions his soldiers were at least as experienced as he was. But his own squads? Eighteen soldiers? Recruits who had not seen a titan up close? Recollection of Trost came back to him, chaotic kaleidoscope of blurred images; bloody battles on streets; hectic flight to the supply tower; endless rows of bodies beneath stiff linen; pyres in flames.

Maybe that was because of three years of fighting the Titans, maybe because of exhaustion or maybe he was still in shock from all those words that he had yet to fully register, but he felt nothing. And it only hurt when he realized that.

Instead of going to the baths, Jean went straight to the quarters that he shared with Connie, Armin and Eren. He was already at the door when he realized his mistake. But it wasn't worth to go back; his roommates could endure the smell of three-day raid. He also decided not to bother with a meal. The herbs in tea calmed his stomach while his exhaustion intensified with every passing minute.

"Jean!" Eren stood up when he saw him in the doorway, but then he fell back on his bed almost immediately. Connie and Armin showed less composure and greater concern.

"Are you alright? You're not hurt?" Armin asked, while Connie omitted the phase of words and went to getting his answers in a more straightforward way: he tapped Jean from neck to knees assuring himself that his friend really was in one undamaged piece.

"Connie, for the love of– Take your hands off me!"

"We heard you were back, we saw others but not you, and for a moment we thought–" Connie was talking frantically, but Jean didn't let him finish.

"I'm fine, it's just a few new bruises to the collection. Let me pass through." He barely squeezed between Connie and Armin in a narrow passage between beds. When he finally sat down, a sudden relief that he no longer had to stand at attention washed over him. He took off his cloak and jacket, and slung them over the back of the nearest chair. Then he began to unbuckle his harness. "Commander Shadis wanted to see me."

"Now we know that, but then–" Connie tightly pursued his lips, and sat down on his bed, facing Jean.

"They are giving me the command over new squads," Jean spoke as if Connie said nothing at all. "Three squads, eighteen recruits. You will be my little bitch, Con. Sasha, too."

"Fuck, Jean, don't let Sasha hear you calling her that. 'Cause you like your balls, right?" 

Jean finished with all clasps and straps of the harness and stripped out of his shirt. He hissed painfully as a careless, too wide movement strained tensed muscles. An unpleasant tremor ran over his still damp skin. 

"You sure you're alright?" Armin asked uncertainly, sitting down next to Connie.

"Yeah. Soaked and half frozen, but otherwise alright. You made a fire."

His gaze wandered to a small furnace full of smoldering orange embers. The room was even warmer than Jean hoped for, but still he was shivering uncontrollably. The chill sat too deep to be banished with a cup of tea and few moments in a warmed room. He took out a jumper, thick and – more importantly – dry, from a chest that sat under his bed, and pulled it on. Only then he removed his boots and pants. 

"Eren brought a few extra logs from somewhere," Armin explained. 

Jean looked at Jaeger, who was tightly wrapped in a blanket, watching him with strange fire burning in his eyes and frowning slightly.

"Don't you have anything to say about my promotion, Jaeger?" Jean asked.

Eren turned his eyes away abruptly, and got up.

"Congratulations?" It wasn't clear if Eren asked or offered those words. Then he added, "Don't kill them all on the first day." 

As he passed by Jean on the way out, he tossed his blanket onto Jean's bed.

"I'll tell the girls that you're back. Mikasa and Sasha were worried too, you know," he said before he left the room.

"Fuck, what's his problem?" Unconsciously, Jean reached for the woolen blanket that Eren left behind.

"Do you really have to ask?" Armin's voice lost some of its warmth and gentleness. "Connie's already explained; the squad came back but you weren't there." 

Jean muttered something unintelligible under his breath and went back to changing dirty, sweaty clothes for something dry and clean. When he had just a jumper and sleeping shorts on, he cocooned himself with bed coverlets, Eren's blanket on top.

"Armin, shouldn't we warn him?"

"In the morning" he groaned, when he heard Connie's nervous voice. He wasn't interested in whatever Connie was whining about.

"Jean, you really should know something," Armin supported Connie. "It's about one of our new recruits."

"In the morning," Jean sighed more than said it aloud, already halfway to the land of nightmares. If Armin or Connie still insisted that he should be informed of something, he did not hear that.

He woke up a few hours later – even exhausted he was unable to sleep for more than four or five hours top. It was probably bright outside, but the room was wallowing in a pleasant semidarkness. Jean looked at Connie's bed – it was empty and neatly made. Armin's bed looked the same: bed clothing folded so accurate as if no one slept there that night. Maybe it was even later that he had thought? Maybe he overslept?

"Did I oversleep?" he asked the room slightly hoarsely. By all indications he was alone, but he didn't try to check the fourth bed. He would have to get up for that and he didn't feel like it. It was easier to just speak.

"No, you didn't," the room answered him with Eren's voice. Moments later Eren stood beside his bed. "Armin and Connie woke up early, well rested and ready to start the day. But you're not late anywhere. You still have time."

Jean was aware of Eren's wandering gaze: over his face, his shoulders and hands, the shape of his body underneath covers. It was as if Eren didn't saw him last night, still wasn't convinced that Jean returned unharmed. But hey, it was his decision to leave the room last evening.

"How about you? Do you have time?" Jean only half-smirked, more and more uncomfortable under the overly serious and too intense gaze. To banish the unwanted feeling - Eren Jaeger did not make _him_ uncomfortable - he raised one hand and tangled his fingers in Eren's shirt, pulling him down on the bed. Green eyes sparkled with new light then, still intense and still focused only on him, but also getting hotter, anxious determination replaced by the kind of resolve that made Jean's breath hitch in his chest. Eren pushed the covers down to the floor, straddled Jean in one fluid motion and then leaned forward, eyes at last closed.

"You should've taken that bath yesterday," he murmured in Jean's neck, rubbing his cheek like some endearing kitten. His morning stubble was still more tickling than rough.

"If it bothers you so much–" Jean turned his head, seemingly trying to free himself, even though he knew that neither Eren was serious nor he was particularly convincing while presenting his throat to Jaeger .

Eren tightened his hand in ash-brown hair and held, not allowing Jean to move. 

"It doesn't bother me at all," he said before he pulled Jean up for a kiss. Without any subtlety he slipped his tongue into Jean's mouth, clearly indicating who would command here now, all promotions aside. 

Jean no longer felt cold, even when his jumper joined covers and blankets on the floor. Eren's hand, tracing paths on his skin that emerald gaze had been mapping moments earlier, found its way into his shorts. Warm fingers closed around his erection. When Jean reflexively arched up with an uncontrolled groan, trying to increase the pressure, Eren murmured approvingly into the kiss. It wasn't the right time for teasing or unnecessary dragging the simple pleasure out so it would turn into a sweet but still torture. Not now, not after the night Eren just had, first terrified of the outcome of the mission when he hadn't seen Jean among the scouts that returned, then angry at him for the stupid shit he had pulled behaving as if his absence there and then was nothing at all. Angry at himself, because of course what Jean had done was right; they were soldiers, and soldiers reported to their superiors first, their friends later.

An echo of that unwanted anger flashed through him, but he didn't let it get hold. Impatiently, he pulled Jean's shorts down his thighs, then did the same with his own pants. He didn't waste more time to get rid of the rest of their clothes; no need for that. He licked Jean's palm, then his own, and then he steered their hands down together, wrapping their entwined fingers around them both. A pinprick of short nails scratching a way up his neck and into his hair was his answer. He shuddered and Jean's hand slid under his shirt, up and down his spine, leaving thousands of burning sparks in its wake. Then that hand was on his ass, gripping and kneading, and Jean was kissing him fervently and absentmindedly, and it was time for Eren to lose his breath. It wasn't hard to guess what script scrolled now in Jean's head; they both were thinking the same thing. Eren gasped into the kiss, squeezing his eyes shut when the blinding sparks ignited by the pleasure spiked with a fleeting pain danced under his eyelids. Moments later, he came, carelessly biting Jean's shoulder to muffle a moan. The unexpected sharp sting of the nip, Eren's release on his fingers and abdomen, the sudden clench of muscles, tensing of the taut body above his own - all that had Jean following him in his own orgasm almost immediately.

They stayed motionless for a long moment, catching their breaths, till Eren collapsed onto the mattress, pinning Jean's arm under his back. Jean turned his head, first looking at him, then at his own arm.

"Did you just bite me?"

Eren grinned smugly.

"Not on purpose. But I'm not sorry. You'll remember that a moment longer."

Jean scrutinized the redness on his arm.

"Shit. Well, for what it's worth, it's not too high. I won't parade in a scarf like Mikasa for you." He looked back at Eren and said, "What was that, anyway, Jaeger? A late 'welcome home?'"

Eren rolled his eyes at Jean's sarcastic tone. 'Way to be romantic, Kirschtein', he swallowed his answer, 'cause they weren't. Romantic, that is. Connie had said once that they started fucking 'cause they couldn't fight anymore, not with the military police and stationary guards breathing down all their necks and disciplining scouts who 'wouldn't behave'. He heaved himself to his feet.

"Yeah, whatever, Kirschtein."

He put his clothes back in order, then picked up his blanket from the floor and headed back toward his own bed.

Jean laid still for a moment longer, but finally he sat up, stealing little glances at Eren while the other was putting his uniform on.

"You know, sex wasn't the reason I've stayed here this morning, not really," he heard Eren say. Eren wasn't looking at him, and didn't say anything more, forcing Jean to prod.

"No?"

"No. In fact, I wasn't planning it at all." Eren turned away from him, searching for something among his things, but that time he didn't stay quiet. "Armin told me that yesterday, before they could warn you, you fell asleep."

"Oh yeah, Connie said something about– something." Those few last moments from the day before with Connie and Armin came back to him. He remembered that they stubbornly tried to force him to continue the conversation while he was practically unconscious from exhaustion. The way Eren reminded him of that, especially the choice of words, suddenly made him uneasy. "'Warn me'?"

"The recruits here– One of them is Kris Bodt." Eren turned just in time to see how the blood rapidly left Jean's face, now ghastly pale and frozen in horror. "He is among your eighteen kids," he clarified as if there could be any doubt that Jean, so clearly paralyzed by the news, didn't understand the first time. What he said next was completely unnecessary, but he said it anyway. "Kris Bodt, the younger brother of Marco."

____________________

_**851** _

All scouts that were involved in the fight on the courtyard, including all the cadets from former 104th, found themselves in a dungeon, bounded and behind the heavy doors. Eren shared a tiny cell with Jean, who as an instigator of the whole mess was probably in the worst state.

"You always knew how to win over friends", Eren muttered under his breath, trying to assess the seriousness of Jean's wounds. He himself, fuming indiscreetly, was feeling better with every passing moment. In fact, he was honestly surprised that he was still allowed with his fellow scouts. He assumed that the Military Police Brigade would take that opportunity to remove him from the Survey Corps or even out of the world like they wanted to do from the start.

"Shut up, Jaeger", Jean growled indistinctly, proving that even beaten, tied, and by all indications deservedly unconscious, he had to have a last word.

"You shut up," Eren replied, but without any heat behind his words. With slight difficulty he moved closer to Jean, who was watching him with only half-conscious gaze.

"What the hell are you doing?" Hazy amber eyes opened wider when Eren pressed himself against his arm without any warning.

"I told you to be quiet. I've got something for you. The fool from the Brigade dropped that." 

He laid the fabric folded around one charred little bone within the reach of Jean's tied hands and immediately pulled away. After all, who would want to sit so close to Kirschtein? Certainly no one with a choice. Not Eren, for sure. He stared at the massive door not wanting to see the reaction of his inmate. Once or twice during the real fight he influenced some titans, maybe he could also open the cell door with his extraordinary mind? The tiny, musty, pressing at him with wet massive stones cell–

"Did you heard what the Commander said?" he asked, because the door didn't budge and he suddenly hadn't enough air in his lungs. "About Historia and Levi?"

Jean was silent for a moment. When he finally spoke, his voice was firm.

"Levi is MIA, Jaeger, presumably dead. It's time for you to accept that.

Eren was still trying to bore holes in the door just with his eyes. 

"I don't know anyone named Historia", Jean added after a moment of thought. 

Eren bit his lip slightly. Then he frowned, and nodded.

"Levi will come back," he said, and soon afterwards he added more, for the benefit of those who could possibly eavesdrop on their conversation from the corridor, "He is the strongest of all men."

Jean snorted softly. He closed his eyes, and leaned his head against the wall.

"Yes, he is. But still, he's only human."


	2. Chapter 2

The 107th Trainee Corps graduates looked young; even younger than they really were. Even in those few transferred from the Garrison and the Military Police Brigade the seriousness and soldier obstinacy contrasted with smooth, youthful faces. Jean didn't look too closely as he joined them in a classroom halfway their lecture, list with names to remember in his pocket, but even one glance was enough to put a question in his mind: whether he and the others in the eyes of the Survey Corps veterans seemed so childlike only three years ago; like kids who forgot themselves in their play.

The Battle of Trost was no game at all.

In the classroom Morgan Morsey was talking about battle formations just like Dita Ness had been doing with them years ago. Jean already knew that the situation was to be repeated: just like the graduates from the 104th had been training with the scouts for only a month before their first expedition, now this year's recruits were taught at a hastened pace, too. Jean tried not to remember how it had ended in the past; how many soldiers hadn't returned from the battle with the Female Titan. Annie was stuck in her protective crystal cocoon to that day, but Rainer, Berthold, Ymir, and hundreds of thousands others still remained beyond the Walls. And the Beast; must not forget the Beast; the scars on Mike's face and body reminded them about it constantly.

At the end of the lecture Jean took Morgan's place at the front of the classroom. He introduced himself and informed them of Commander Shadis' decision regarding his commanding position over new squads. He also introduced Connie and Sasha as his two second-in-command even if they weren't there yet. If those kids hoped for someone better known as their commanding officer they didn't show it; at least not right away and not in front of him. They were listening to his every word with attention and concentration of well trained cadets on an assembly - which, in fact, they were not so long ago.

"Squads 8th, 9th and 10th will be a part of a battle formation in the next Survey Corps' expedition beyond the Walls. For the time being the mission's purpose remains to the Corps headquarters information only, but one thing is already certain: you will fight titans. Not maybe. Not some day. For sure. Soon. In this very moment strategic plans for respective squads are decided. Who have already fought a titan?"

Two former military police soldiers and two former stationary guards raised their hands. Jean didn't have to learn their names; he'd already known them as they had been assigned to supervise the Corps in the past two years. Mihay Saushkin and Lars Folke from the Garrison, squad 9th, Ron Lorentz, squad 8th, and Felix Kohle, squad 10th, both from the Military Police Brigade. Each of the four at least once participated in a patrol beyond the Wall Rose, accompanying scouts when they were allowed to return to active duty, however, only under guard. Jean wasn't recalling those raids as the most pleasant.

"Who had a dubious pleasure to look at a titan up close?" he asked.

"From the top of the Wall Rose, sir," one of the graduates said without raising a hand. Jean looked at his list, but didn't ask the boy for a name to associate it with a face. Not yet. "During the training we all had lessons regarding cannons. We saw titans in the streets of a lost town."

Jean nodded, but he still had more questions.

"Closer?" he prompted.

That time there were three hands in the air.

"It was during the evacuation of Trost," was the first reply. "A titan destroyed a house my family lived in. Me and my mother managed to escape and get to the other side of the Wall Rose."

"Soldiers stopped a titan that nearly trampled me, and when dead - nearly crushed me. I saw him from very close."

"A wagon blocked the gate, and we couldn't escape. Then there was a titan charging at the crowd. Mikasa Ackerman killed him. I recognized her when I saw her here."

After that one more hand was raised.

"In Stohess. I saw two titans fighting with each other."

Eren and Annie's fight, the boy who had spoken meant. Jean looked at him closely. That could be a problem in the future, he noted in his mind. Still, he didn't ask him for his name. 

"Anyone else?" he asked instead.

Silence was his answer. Nobody else raised a hand.

"Take a break now. You've got an hour for a meal. Later, I'll be waiting for you at the training ground number four. Come with a maneuvering gear, without blades. We will start your preparations for your first meeting eye to eye with a hostile titan. Dismissed." 

Jean watched their departure feeling Morgan's gaze on himself at the same time. Morsey was silent until all recruits left the room, but as soon as the door were closed, he spoke.

"Training ground number four is the one used by Hanji while she experiments with Eren," he half asked, half stated.

"That's right," Jean confirmed. His choice of a training ground was no mistake, he was aware what that one was being used for.

"I guess I know what you want to do, I'm just not sure if that's a good idea. Don't you think it's too early for the kids? And remember that a little Eren is not allowed to become a large Eren without an authorization."

Jean snorted at Morgan's choice of words, not looking at him. He didn't yet ask anyone for permission to use Eren's power because it was only when he saw those kids he realized how very young they were, how very inexperienced and - three years of military training or not - how unprepared for the reality of the beyond the Walls. This reality was approaching them fast; it would be theirs in just a few short weeks.

"It's not too early, it's much too late. Mike is going to give us permission for a controlled shift," he said firmly, because he couldn't see any other way. Time was running out. Mike had to approve it. He had to.

Morgan held up his hands in a conciliatory gesture.

"I'm sure you know what you're doing. Just be careful, and not only for these kids. Don't risk Burke's wrath so early in the days of your new position."

"It's already too late for warnings, Morgan," Jean said with a small unrepentant smile as he opened the door. "You know that anyone who wears the Wings on their back incurs his wrath, position regardless. And yes, I do know what I'm doing. I'll be careful."

"Jean?" Morsey called when Jean was already in the doorway.

"Yes?"

"You will do well."

Jean nodded in silent thanks, and left the room.

It was meal time, so he didn't have to wonder where to look for his two squad leaders. To find Sasha at that hour one should only know where the mess and the food was and that would be enough. And where's Sasha, there's Connie, simple as that.

They both sat at one of the smaller side tables, Eren with them, too. Mikasa and Armin were missing, but they also should turn up soon.

"So? What do you think?" Jean asked when they were all in full force and when he shared his idea with them.

"Nobody told them yet that Eren is a shifter," Mikasa said, reluctance plain in her voice. She didn't like his plan. Her gaze, her facial expression - she radiated disapproval, even if it was evident only to the five of them. "Now they treat him like any other soldier. It will change after that."

"It will change sooner or later. It's no secret that there's a shifter in the Corps. Why not to use his power to teach the kids something?"

"You want to see them attacking Eren like a hostile titan?" Mikasa's voice rang jarring in their ears just like a hardened steel of their blades on stones would. Sasha and Connie instinctively moved away from the table, increasing the distance between them and the girl. Jean did the opposite; he leaned over the table, bringing the two of them face to face.

"I want to see them accustomed to his presence, his size. I want them to know how it is to fly to a neck of a real titan, not a wooden dummy. Nobody told us during training what you really feel when you see a titan charging at you, big and undefeated; nobody explained to us what are these fractions of a second that decide whether you survive or end in a pit of a monster's stomach. Nobody could; we had to learn all of that in Trost. Do you remember-? Franz didn't come back from Trost. Hannah were lost there. Mina. Nack. Milieus. And do you recall who else was devoured by a titan in his first real fight? Your precious Eren Jaeger. But you know what? Not everyone has a life to spare, like he does."

"I'll do it," Eren frantically filled the sudden silence that came after Jean's words. He pushed him away from Mikasa, who said nothing to Jean's tirade, lost in memories of that terrifying moment when Armin told her what had happened to squad 34th, Eren including. Eren continued, "I'll do it, but I want Mikasa present."

"Mikasa and someone else who is able to control the situation if something goes wrong," Armin said in a calming manner, joining discussion. "Toni, perhaps?"

Toni Hayes was older by a year and she served in the Corps a year longer than them. In recent years, she and Mikasa had formed a tepid friendship, based on a rivalry similar to the one that once bonded Mikasa and Annie. Toni didn't have the innate talent like Mikasa, but she matched her determination. They both were skilled, focused and composed, and they seemed to understand each other without words. The two formed a better unit than many experienced squads.

"Are you suggesting that the three of us can't handle it if something happens?" Jean pointed to Connie and Sasha, frowning with dissatisfaction at Armin's unfair accusations.

"I'm suggesting that if something happens, the three of you will have your hands full of dozen or so rookies who saw a titan for the first time up close," Armin replied coolly, not budging under Jean's withering gaze. Then he added, more gently, "I think that you take this very emotional."

Jean stood up abruptly.

"If no one else has more arguments against my plan, I'm going to Mike. I'm not asking Burke for permission, but someone needs to know what we're doing. Eren-?"

Eren nodded and got up, too.

"I'll go with you. You find Toni and tell her everything. We'll meet on ground four."

Jean moved to follow him to the entrance, but after a few steps he returned back to the table.

"Mikasa-" he started but paused hesitantly. The girl looked at him slightly frowning. Despite his honest desire to say it, a 'sorry' didn't want to get through his throat. But what she saw in his eyes had to be enough, because she nodded in reconciliation.

"Go," she said. "We'll meet on fourth."

Mike said no.

Jean told him what he told his friends earlier: that they had Trost before their first expedition with the scouts and it made a difference; that with Eren's help they could make recruits understand what it really meant to meet a titan; that it was an unprecedented opportunity nobody had before now. It was no secret that the Corps was using the power of a shifter to equal chances in the war, so where's a harm in using it for the kids' benefit?

"It's a secret who this shifter is," Mike replied. "Do you want the repetition of the disaster that was Annie? That were Reiner and Berthold? Until we won't be sure that our ranks are not penetrated by a hostile shifter I'm not going to say yes. We're not revealing our titan's identify. Hanji's squad is examining blood samples of all new soldiers. We'll be waiting for complete results. It will take a few more days. 

"Those who are from the Military Police Brigade and from the Garrison know that Eren can shift. They will tell the others," Jean tried another argument. "Well, if they didn't tell them already."

"They made an oath. They haven't said anything."

The two of them were looking at each other for a moment in complete silence, scrutinizing each other; Jean's eyes were hard, sparking with anger, Mike's calm and only a little authoritative. Jean yielded first. He took a step back towards the door.

"You won't give us your permission?" he asked even if he already knew the answer.

"Jean, your plan is acceptable but not right in this moment. We will proceed with it when Hanji give us her approval. For now, you rely on a traditional training."

"There's nothing I can say or do to convince you?"

"There's nothing that will convince me now."

"Captain," Jean saluted and left without a word more.

"Eren?" Mike looked at a shifter questioningly.

Eren winced under his intense gaze. He wasn't an expert in the field of reading other people's emotions, all three Goddesses as witnesses, but he had an impression that the bright eyes revealed a regret.

"Jean is right," he said slowly. "So many of us died in Trost. I myself- After the clash with Annie so many never returned from beyond the Walls. Those kids- They are not ready."

"You remain humanity's greatest chance to win this war. You have to understand why I can't- why I won't risk you. Nobody in the Corps will. Even if Jean is not mistaken, and those few days of delay would translate into someone's death, your safety is a priority here."

Eren sighed. In a nervous gesture he brushed away wet bangs that were plastered to his face. A short way from the barracks to the mess and then from the mess here in drizzling rain was enough to leave his hair dripping.

"I don't have to like it. If that's all-"

"Yes, that's all. You can go."

Jean was waiting for him outside, with a hood pulled up and hiding his face in a shadow, because it still was raining, obviously. Eren didn't remember how many days - weeks? - ago he saw sunshine and clear sky.

"If you still want to do this, I want to help," he said sternly, stopping next to Jean.

Jean snorted and started walking towards quarters, where he had left his maneuver gear; Eren in tow. He spoke only when they passed two wooden pales stuck in the middle of the central square. The pales had leather belts reinforced with metal nailed on the top of each one. A 'pillory', as Zoe called it while flinging curses at Nile Doke, who allegedly ordered to erect the structure. The pillory turned out to be not only a scarecrow.

"Mike's right. We won't risk you for a life of some kid or dozen. Besides, he would have my balls if you did something like that without his permission just because I asked. And Burke would have so much fun punishing both of us for it, and Mike, too, on that occasion."

"Jean-"

Jean came to a halt when called, but didn't look back at Eren. Eren had to walk around him to face him.

"Do you really think that I've believed even for a moment that I'm more important than those kids? Than anyone at all?" he almost screamed.

Jean narrowed his eyes, and moved closer so that they were nose to nose.

"You are important, Jaeger. Without you, there will be no victory," he hissed. An angry tone didn't fit the words he had just spoken. It sounded more like an accusation than comfort, and Jean winced because that wasn't really his intention. But there was no way he would apologize to Jaeger. He took a step back, because suddenly Eren was too close, and he was angry, disappointed and bitter. "You will shift when Mike let you. For now, just like the captain ordered me, I will proceed with more traditional training, no titans around. Still, it's better than nothing, and maybe it won't be completely useless. Tell Mikasa and Toni that plans got cancelled."

He didn't wait for Eren's reply, just moved on to collect his 3D maneuver gear from his quarters.

*

"You have five paths with a similar level of difficulty in a maze here. Each squad gets to cross one. Your goal is to capture as many flags in as little time as you're able to. The absolute minimum is to get five flags per each member of a squad. Yellow flag scores one point, green one - two points, red one - four points, black one - eight points. It's an eight-minute run. If you finish earlier, good for you. After eight minutes from the start you will hear a gong - you're not allowed to chase any more flags after that, you just cross a finish line with what you got to that time. Platforms are slippery from the rain, and ropes are wet, so be careful. I would recommend to cooperate, and not to show off, because your acrobatic skills are not the point today. Any questions?"

As the training ground number four stayed closed for Jean with the lack of permission from Mike to use it as he planned, he took his squads on the training ground number six, known as the maze. It resembled grounds used for a training in the Cadet Corps. The maze was made of wooden walls up to fifteen meters with platforms and ropes slung between them. Between walls, sometimes on them, sometimes partially inside them, dummies-titans were stuck with color flags arranged on their wooden bodies: on necks, in eyes, knees and Achilles tendons, sometimes in other random locations. A mechanism developed by Hanji allowed the dummies to move to a certain extent, larger than the dummies on cadets' training grounds had. And it wasn't all: the dummies reacted to an approaching threat by firing paint missiles. It was Armin's idea, and he took an active part in working out techniques that allowed such action. 

"How many flags are there?" one of the recruits asked.

"One hundred and twelve."

"Are we the only ones taking part in the fun?" another one asked.

"Springer, Braus and I will cross one of the paths at the end of this exercise. You can choose which one."

"Number two." There was no hesitation as one of the recruits immediately decided and answered for all of them.

Jean nodded.

"Number two for us. As it is, number one will be for squad 8th, number three for squad 9th and number five for squad 10th. Squad 8th, get on a start line."

While designated squad - one girl and five boys, two former military police among them - was preparing for the task, Jean continued.

"Your squad leader, Connie Springer, leads and supervises you. He doesn't score points for you, he serves as a field judge. Connie, you ready?"

Before he answered, Connie exchanged quick glances with Sasha. Only then he nodded.

"Waiting for the gong."

Jean hit a plate hanging near the start line with an audible clink. Hooks whistled, thrown out of their sockets, and Connie, at the head of his new squad, disappeared in the maze on the path number one. Jean and Sasha landed on a high platform over the maze, erected so it would be possible to observe the progress of trainees.

Squad 8th was handling it pretty well: kids weren't getting in each other ways, but they weren't abandoning each other, either. Even without knowing a history of their previous assignments, it was easy to guess at a glance who was a 107th graduate, and who came from the Brigade. The four this year's graduates worked well with each other within their small group; they had known each other and trained together for years, together they had chosen the Survey Corps. The two former military police were skilled - after all, they were from the top ten of their respective years - but there was no harmony between them and the rest, yet. But they would work it out, the whole squad.

"Good," Jean commented as the only girl in squad 8th flew high and pulled out a black flag from a difficult to reach platform fringed with obstructive ropes. Petite blonde, resembling Annie all too disturbingly, let out a joyful squeal; and both Jean and Sasha breathed a sigh of relief. If the girl would prove to be similar to their former colleague not only physically, it would be hard for them all. Nobody deserved to be assessed through the shadow of some stranger, who they were unwittingly evoking in a memory of other people by appearance and behavior alone.

"Nina Feuergell," muttered Sasha. "I've already learned the whole list of names and squads' assignments." She was talking about the same list that Jean was still ignoring. "Nina Feuergell, Ron Lorentz, Florian Black, Noah Caine, Nill Rinke, Danny Tanner; squad 8th. Lorentz and Black are from the Military Police Brigade. Jean-?"

"Yeah?"

"Who gets squad 9th? You or me?

Squad 9th was consisting of former stationary guards only. Six guards enlisted, six went to one squad. Just as it was with 107th graduates: they knew each other, they worked together all that time, they would be more efficient together.

"You do," Jean didn't hesitate even for a second.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

He pressed his lips tightly, knowing what she was hinting at. Kris Bodt was a 107th graduate and as he wasn't assigned to Connie's squad 8th, that put him in squad 10th. If Sasha got former guards, he would came under Jean's direct command.

"Reporting any objections?" he asked her coolly.

Sasha sighed softly.

"Off the record: I don't like it."

"Off the record: deal with it. How many minutes they have left?"

"Three. They are almost on the finish line."

Over the next two and a half minutes they were watching the maze in silence, but as the action was taking place in the final section of the path pretty far away from their platform they didn't see a lot. Jean slid down and hit the gong to announce an end to the race. Moments later, Connie and his squad landed on the ground next to him. They began sorting and counting flags.

"Seventeen yellows, twenty greens, seventeen reds, four blacks. Thirteen hits; as you can see, everyone got hit at least once. On a scale of 1 to 5 it would be a 3 with a big plus. What do you think?"

A disgruntled murmur spread among the members of squad 8th, but no one spoke up loudly at Connie's assessment. Even Nina, whose uniform was marked with only one stain of blue paint. Even the two former military police who were neither novices nor humble.

"We'll see how the rest will come off against them. Squad 9th on the start line, path number three. Sasha Braus supervises you." 

His two friends exchanged grim looks once more. Jean pretended not to notice. He hit the gong and flew himself up on the platform over the third path. Connie joined him up almost immediately.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" His voice rang with the same overly serious note as Sasha's earlier.

"Yes, I do know what I'm doing. No, I will not change my mind. You and Sasha see a problem where there isn't one. We're done with talking about it."

Connie said nothing to that. He bit his lip hard until he tasted blood. He clenched his fists. If it weren't for two squads of kids in the eyes of which both of them had to be seen as responsible and trustworthy leaders, Jean would probably have to save himself with his gear from falling hard to the ground after Connie's good placed right hook. Bullshit, Connie thought angrily. So much bullshit, Jean.

They were watching the progress of Sasha's squad in complete silence. This group was more efficient than the previous one, soldiers working together more smoothly. But their advantage was not only in the common origins from the Garrison; they were at least a year older, too. Additionally, two of them already had experience in fighting against real enemy, not only a cardboard one.

Once again Jean got down first to hit the gong. Squad 9th counted fourteen yellows, twenty-two greens, twenty-five reds and seven blacks. Everyone wore paint splashes, sixteen hits in total.

"I would give them a nice 4 on Connie's scale," Sasha said with satisfaction. "Maybe even a 4 and a half."

"We'll see. Squad 10th, get on the start line. Path number five. You're going with me. Connie, hit the gong."

There was a metallic sound in the air and Jean soared first in the air, hooking his cords high on a wall on the path he chosen for his squad. Already on the route, he was slowing every dozen or so meters to watch the progress of his squad from a wall or a platform. Sometimes he gave them some clues, suggested a technique best to use. He was tempted to take a full command, but that exercise wasn't about how those kids worked with him, but rather how they cooperated together. And they were trying to work together, to use their strength for a collective win: the better ones flew higher and tried for black flags while the rest collected those more visible and easier to reach as fast as possible. Again, the four from the 107th, two girls and two boys, did better than the other two from the military police. But Jean could see that with time and training they had a chance to work well together as a whole. It came as a surprise that the two former military police didn't try to dominate, that they even refrained from biting comments as well to their colleagues as to three older scouts. Especially Khole's calm and friendly behavior was surprising, as previously he had been assigned to 'supervising' the Survey Corps for almost two years before he enlisted as a scout himself, now. Well, Jean wasn't going to complain about the lack of insults.

Eight minutes passed quickly, and Jean landed next to Connie just as a clink of the gong sounded down on the ground. His squad was down only a moment later.

"Twenty-three yellows, twelve greens, thirteen reds and eleven blacks," Jean summed.

Felix Kohle waved a black flag, apparently captured right before a gong.

"Twelve blacks," Jean amended. "Four hit, a total of nine well aimed missiles. Two players completely clean with no hit."

"A 4?" Connie assessed.

"Why not," Jean agreed, and continued with more serious voice. "But only here in the fort, in the rain. Out there, beyond the Walls, regardless of a weather, regardless of a scale, a round null. All three squads captured a comparable amount of flags, only a little over the half of all available. Could be better. It has to be better next time. As for the score, Sasha's squad wins with points. It's our turn now. Connie, Sasha, we do the number two. Nina, hit the gong. Watch our time."

Jean, Connie and Sasha lined up on the start line. As soon as the gong sounded, they were on the move.

They were collecting flags without looking at a color; from ankles, knees, necks and eyes of titans, hidden in their hands and gaping maws. Occasionally one of them, on an indication of one of the other two, sidetracked to snatch a flag from one of the most difficult places to reach on that path. They also had a long ago developed tactic for paint missiles: often one of them instigated hits from dummies in his or her direction and then performed a well trained dodge in the air at the last minute while the other two stripped a titan of flags.

They finished well ahead of time, which wasn't a surprise for anyone. Jean threw his flags on the ground, Sasha added her own to the pile, and then Connie did the same, too. None of them was keeping tabs at who brought what color and how much of it.

"Thirty-five yellows, thirty greens, twenty-five reds, fifteen blacks, seven whites. One hundred and twelve flags. No hits."

"Nobody said anything about whites."

"Did you notice any?"

The recruits looked among themselves, shaking their heads to each other.

"You know those mazes," Lorentz accused; he had been previously assigned to supervising the scouts together with Khole.

Jean nodded.

"Yes, we know them well. The arrangement of flags is different depending on who is doing it, but still, there is limited number of places where you can put a stick with a rag so it would have some training value. For us it's a game now, a little of skills, a little of right communication. The training ground number six is always open for you. Come here in your free time to play as often as you want. It will pay off. That's all for today. You can go." He acknowledged salutes from recruits before they left and then started collecting flags. "You can go, too," he said to his two second-in-command. "I'll handle this."

Connie wanted to protest, but Sasha pulled him towards barracks - probably with the mess on her mind - before he could say a word. It was clear that she aimed for punishing Jean for the way he divided squads between the three of them. So yeah, maybe they exaggerated the whole thing with Kris Bodt being in a squad led by Jean, but they both had a strange feeling about it, Sasha especially; it was like a disaster waiting to happen.

Jean arranged flags on the first and third path. When he came back for the ones from the fifth path - the whole set of one hundred and twelve flags from the second path he left for last - it turned out he wasn't alone. Neither Eren's presence nor Mikasa's surprised him, but he didn't expect Toni Hayes. A tall, strawberry-blonde girl with gray eyes and barely noticeable freckles on her pale face was crouching over a colorful pile of flags dividing them, clearly with something on her mind. She was pretty, maybe even as pretty as Mikasa, though in a different way, less exotic, less delicate.

"Mikasa and I will take care of these," Toni said, pointing to flags from the fifth path, when Jean landed on the ground next to the three of them. "You and Eren can arrange the rest. Recruits are no challenge for you, Kirschtein, play with us."

Jean looked up at the rainy sky, darker on the east with a shadow of twilight.

"Isn't it a little too late for that?" he asked.

"It will be more interesting in the dark," Mikasa answered. She took her share of flags from Toni, and immediately disappeared with them in the maze. 

"In the rain, in the dark, it will be interesting," repeated Toni before chasing after her.

Eren grinned when he noticed how dumbfounded Jean was looking, apparently having problems to comprehend girls' smart comments.

"Come on," he urged him. "Let's rearrange the number two for them so they won't have it too easy. They will try the same for us on the fifth path, I'm sure."

"We race in pairs?"

Yeah, still processing. Eren smirked.

"It will be interesting," he quoted before he threw out his hooks. When he landed on his first platform, he called Jean once more. "Come on!"

When all flags were in place, Toni suggested one more rule to their race.

"We'll strip all five paths of flags, Jean and Eren the fifth and- Hey, Kirschtein, is there a path you weren't on today?"

"The fourth one, Hayes."

Toni ignored the way he said her name as if it was an insult - she was doing the same when she called him by name - and continued with her instructions.

"So, the fifth and the fourth path are for Jean and Eren, Mikasa and I will take the first and the second path. We'll fight for the third one; girls enter it from a start line, boys from a finish line. Is that clear?"

"You know how long it will take to arrange all flags in all mazes once again afterwards?"

Toni rolled her eyes.

"You whine like a baby, Kirschtein, it's really attractive," she huffed sarcastically. "Get on the start line before I decide that you're scared."

"Jean is afraid of you," Mikasa informed Toni in a voice like she would be saying something most ordinary and not provoking a fit of pique. And she didn't end there, face an expressionless mask, but dark eyes twinkling mischievously. "He's afraid of me, too, since we were twelve years old."

"Perhaps Kirschtein is afraid of women, period?" Toni smiled teasingly, which in no way endeared her beauty. Before Jean could say something, she waved her finger in front of his face, and said, "On the start line, Kirschtein. Prove your right with deed and not overblown words. On three."

Just like Eren predicted, the girls tried very hard with an arrangement on their paths so they wouldn't have it easy at all, but still, they gradually moved forward, only slightly slower than if the flags were put there without this particular challenge in mind. Jean lost his speed for a moment, landing on a high platform, where previously one of the recruits had miscalculated his steps and his skills and slipped on the wet wood, saving himself from falling with his gear only in the last moment.

"Jean?"

Jean shook his head when he heard Eren, and once again started forward, scooping up one white and two black flags on his way. Doing this meant that Eren had to get lower for flags scoring lesser points, which he did without a protest. Jean didn't abandon him; he instigated paint missiles in his own direction so Eren would be safe down there. As any other shots fired during this race, those also failed to reach their target.

On the last section of the fifth path Jean slowed once more, recalling something in his mind. The same rookie, the same ambition, the same result: instead of getting a black flag, the kid had collided with a dummy there and immediately had been hit two times. Jean couldn't stop thinking about it; if that was a real mission not an exercise, if it was a real titan not a dummy- A questioning look from Eren stopped his hectic thoughts. He needed to shook it off, to get a grip and concentrate on the game. He moved, still feeling Eren's eyes on his neck, not questioning but worried now.

While entering the path number fourth he missed one white flag, then a green one and then a yellow one. Maybe Eren would think that he did it on purpose, once more maliciously leaving less scoring flags for him.

It was over with poorly reasoned excuses when suddenly a missile hit him, and a blue stain bloomed on his uniform. He cursed silently and landed on a low hanging platform to regain his balance. Before he could go forward, Eren landed next to him and stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"Jean, what's going on?"

"We're in the middle of a game, what the hell are you doing?" Jean struggled under his hand, unsuccessfully.

Eren looked at him seriously.

"So? They will win anyway. And you-" He nodded toward the blue splash. "When was the last time you earned a hit with stupid paint?"

Jean didn't answer, but he stopped his efforts to free himself.

"What are you doing here anyway?" he asked instead, not looking at Eren.

Eren shrugged awkwardly.

"Sasha and Connie said you're alone here, so I decided to come help with flags. Mikasa wanted to accompany me, and Toni wanted to accompany her. Then they thought it's the perfect time for a race, and the rest you know. Now will you tell me what went wrong here?"

"Nothing. It's a training ground, you know we would have to try really hard for something bad to happen."

It wasn't true and they both were aware of that. Accidents occurred in more favorable circumstances than flights through several meter high mazes full of moving mannequins, tangled ropes and striking paint missiles. At least they exercised without blades today.

"But?" Eren prompted.

"But," Jean yielded, closing his eyes before continuing. "I wanted to evaluate them objectively today; without prejudice, without expectations. That's why I wasn't asking for their names yet." Only it didn't help at all. Kris had no freckles and wasn't as tall as Marco, his hair was a few shades lighter with an auburn highlight instead of a dark brown, and his eyes were hazel with a shadow inside them, not bright and serene, but Jean immediately knew that this boy was the younger brother of his best friend. "Kris is pretty good, but he's not as good as Marco was. And Marco-"

"Hey," Eren interrupted. He tilted Jean's face with cautious fingers, so he could look in amber eyes, gaze searching. He instinctively frowned at what he saw there, but before he could say anything, Jean grabbed him by the neck and crushed their lips together in a heated, violent kiss. Eren's heart skipped a beat and for a moment he let himself be lost in the sensations. The weather was cold, they were both cold, but the kiss and Jean's hand that slid from his neck to his face, thumb caressing delicate skin there, was filling him with a pleasant warmth. 

With every passing second the vehemence of their shared kiss subdued more and more, till they just stood there, foreheads pressed together, lips still touching slightly, moving almost imperceptibly for a split of a moment longer.

"Shouldn't we go back to the race?" Jean whispered as if he forgot that he was the one who initiated it.

Eren took one step back. He knew it was only Jean's way to keep him silent, and the truth was that he didn't even really wanted to continue their discussion. It was obvious that Jean would do anything to just not talking anymore. After all, that's how this thing between them had started; it was to change the subject, to stop thinking, to stop remembering the situation they all were in: not fighting, not serving, not being free .

"Yeah. We won't win, but we've never stood a chance with the two of them, so it's nothing new. We can show them that we don't go down too easily, though."

"It's what we do all the time," Jean smirked, but the humor didn't reach his eyes. Without waiting for a response he jumped from the platform, hooking his maneuvering cords far ahead on the path.

They didn't win; they weren't even close to the middle of the third path when the end of the race was unanimously decided; more like just at the entrance when they saw Mikasa and Toni chasing for the last unclaimed flags.

With the four of them it wasn't as long as Jean worried to arrange all flags back in the maze. Then they went to late dinner together.

"I've got an idea, too, you know," Eren said, when later he and Jean were on their way to the quarters for the night, just the two of them for a moment. He tried but couldn't let the subject of their previous talk go; he hated the self-doubt look that emerged for a split of a second in Jean's eyes then. Now Jean seemed a little hesitant as if he wasn't sure he wanted to hear whatever Eren had to say. Eren didn't let himself to become discouraged by this. He never was a type to lie low or maintain silence when he wanted to help. "We can show the kids the traps. Maybe we'll be able to arrange some controlled fights so that they could deal with a titan before the expedition. What do you think?"

Jean came to a halt, and nervously ran a hand through his hair.

"I didn't thought about it," he admitted. "It's a good idea. I like it. Several trainings here on the grounds, and then we will take them to see the traps. Mike can't say no to that. He should do the same with his convicts, too."

"There's still a few weeks to the expedition. We'll be training with them, Jean. They will do well. He will do well."

"Yeah, okay." Jean took a deep breath and nodded slightly. He clapped Eren on the back, letting his hand stay there just a fraction of a moment too long to be strictly friendly. "Thanks, Jaeger." His next words were added more quietly, still a little hesitantly, but with a raising hope. "We all will do fine."


	3. Chapter 3

**_852_ **

The patrol had been a disaster. It was the first one in over a year of inactivity and under a strict supervision of the military police. The designated soldiers got back their confiscated maneuver gear just a day ahead of departure, with no time and no means for proper training. It was Burke's idea, officially a display of his good will toward Commander Shadis and the Survey Corps' captains to give scouts a chance to return to active duty, ulterior motives suspected but not proven.

They came back late at night; former Levi's Special Operation Unit led by Corporal Justin Luther from the Military Police Brigade and accompanied by three other military police soldiers at Burke's orders. They returned exhausted and grim, all bearing wounds and bruises. Springer had a nasty cut on his forehead, blood trickling steadily into his dazed eyes and down his bruised face. Braus' wrist was badly twisted, delicate bones fractured. At least a few of Kirschtein ribs were cracked, possibly even broken, his left side scratched under a torn uniform from shoulder to knee. Half of Ackerman's face was black and blue, with a split lip and one eye swollen shut. Arlert was marked with countless small but deep lacerations. One of Jaeger's hands was cut off and the right side of his face seemed scrapped off of skin; as the only one he was unconscious.

It was no consolation that the four military police that accompanied them seemed less battered.

"Report, now!" Mike demanded, helping Armin lower Eren from the saddle to the ground.

"The mission was a success. We didn't suffer any losses," Corporal Justin Luther declared, dismounting. "Arrest Ackerman, Kirschtein and Braus-"

"We didn't suffer any losses?" Jean slid down from the saddle and started toward Luther, limping heavily. He didn't stop when he reached him; he grabbed him by the jacket and pushed, forcing the corporal to take a few steps back. "You escaped when Connie's cord broke and he landed in that damn trap between four twelve-meter-class titans. You were going to leave Eren, when his titan fell overpowered. I don't know about the Military Police Brigade, but here in the Survey Corps we have a name for it: a fucking cowardice!" The words were followed by Jean's fist.

"Enough!" Burke's voice roared over the square. He was approaching them in long, marching strides, Commander Shadis and Captain Zoë in tow. Seeing the officers, the nearest stationary guards pulled Luther and Kirschtein apart, trying to get both of them under control. Almost instantly the corporal freed himself with an indignant yell and backed away from the guards. Not taking his eyes off Jean, he unconsciously rubbed at his mouth smearing blood from a split lip over his hand and face.

"Arrest Kirschtein, Ackerman and Braus for an attack on a senior soldier!" he growled indistinctly through a swelling nose. "Arrest all of them for disobeying direct orders in combat!"

"Stop." Burke signaled the guards to stay as they were. "Corporal Luther, get your men out of here and go make yourself presentable. I'll be waiting for a complete report in my office."

Luther nodded. He couldn't help himself and spat angrily at Jean's feet, once more wiping blood from his mouth on his sleeve, and only then turned away to follow his companions, who were already on their way to the quarters.

"Do I understand correctly that there was an unauthorized shift?" Burke addressed Mike as if the captain had been there and gave his permission to an illegal activity.

"When in combat, the final decision always belongs to Eren. He's the shifter and he's the only one able to properly assess the benefits of a shift."

"Ackerman, silence."

"Ackerman is right," Hanji supported Mikasa. "That's the protocol for Jaeger's abilities."

"Shadis?" Burke looked at the commander with a faint, unpleasant smile, knowing what they would hear.

"According to the decree of Chief Darius Zackly all existing common protocols of the Survey Corps expired or had been frozen the moment the Military Police Brigade was given the jurisdiction over it. However," Burke opened his mouth, but Shadis didn't let him interrupt, "the one regarding Jeager's shifts specifically was never formally acknowledged. As it is its invalidity is questionable."

Burke gritted his teeth, but didn't neglect the commander's words.

"There are still two charges: insubordination in combat and attack on a non-commissioned officer."

"Here's a third one," Sasha said unexpectedly. "But not against us. Your men, sir, are guilty of theft of private property in a lost town. Corporal Luther ordered us to keep titans at bay so he and the others could loot abandoned houses."  


"If the charges will be proven, I'll see to proper consequences personally. Meanwhile, arrest-"

"Go to the medic, then to your quarters," Shadis cut in, addressing his scouts as if Burke said nothing at all. "You're not to leave your quarters unless being summoned. Further decisions will be taken after hearing the complete report from the mission."

"I agree." Burke nodded, seemingly accepting his defeat, but he wasn't going to just back off completely. "With one exception. Kirschtein attacked Corporal Luther here in our presence. His guilt is undisputed and with no relation to the report. Arrest him."

Before anything else happened, Mikasa stepped forward.

"I plead guilty to an attack on a senior soldier. I was first to hit Corporal Luther while on patrol. Him, MP Dirk Dieter and MP Theodore Linde."

"Me too!" Sasha joined her. "I got into a fight with Corporal Luther and MP Dieter."

Connie also took a step forward, but before he could say something Hanji clapped her hand over his mouth. Next to them Mike gripped Armin's arm. The boy was still supporting Eren, but it was clear that he wanted to do as the others. Burke smiled slightly, but didn't comment on any of it. Three out of six was more than enough.

"I see no reason to prolong unnecessary procedure. Ackerman, Braus and Kirschtein are found guilty of a physical attack on a non-commissioned officer. Given that they are a part of the Special Operation Unit and eliminating them from duty for a period of solitary confinement wouldn't benefit the Survey Corps, I order whipping to be executed tomorrow at noon in the presence of all soldiers accommodated in the fort, branch regardless."

"Captain Burke," Shadis started icily, but he was interrupted by Hanji.

"No!" she shouted. "I'm not giving my permission to that! Who do you think you are, Burke? They are soldiers, soldiers of the Survey Corps, not common criminals!"

She started toward him, but Mike grabbed her tightly and pulled her back before she did more than a few steps.

"Verdicts for law violation remain in my hands, not the commander, not yours, Zoë. Chief Zackly assured me of that when he assigned me here. Not a word more, Zoë, and don't make a show of yourself where you're seen by every other soldier. Unless you do want to join Levi's pupils?"

"Yes!" Hanji struggled in Mike's grip, making her fellow captain swallow a painful moan when she elbowed him in a still sensitive scar on his side. "And not for nothing, don't you think! How many whips will I earn for an attack on an officer of the same rank, Burke?"

Mike tightened his arms around her, and Mikasa, Sasha, Connie and Jean all moved between her and the military police captain.

"Captain Zoë, silence!" Shadis' wrinkled face constricted in a resentment he felt issuing such order. He clenched his fists, but kept them rigidly to his body, away from Burke. "I consider this discussion finished. Dismiss. Medic, quarters. All of you."

He turned on his heel and marched off with angry steps. Burke smiled nastily before he also left. 

"Wh- whipping?" Sasha whimpered, hunching her shoulders.

Jean wrapped his arm around her.

"You should have stayed quiet there. But you can handle it, Braus," he assured her, though the expression on his dull face didn't reflect the belief that his voice rang with. "It's nothing."

Mikasa came closer, too, and carefully closed her fingers on Sasha's wounded hand.

"We won't give Burke satisfaction."

A small sob escaped from Hanji's throat.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let this happen, I should have done something."

"Captain, we know that you don't have any control over it," Mikasa said quietly. "You, Captain Zacharius, as well. Armin, Eren needs to lie down. I'll take him."

Jean grabbed Eren on the other side, although he winced noticeably when his bruised ribs and injured leg protested. 

"Sasha, go with Connie to the medic," Jean called over his shoulder to the petrified girl. "He got hit the most."

When the others split up in designated directions, Armin asked Hanji to wait a moment longer.

"We discovered something that may help you in your studies on the Titans," he whispered hesitantly.

Hanji smiled faintly, not ready for a burst of enthusiastic joy.

"Later, Armin. You also should go to the medic."

"Please, hear me out. There's more. When Eren's titan fell- We couldn't pull him out. We tried but we couldn't reach him. And then- We found him on one of the roofs, alive and safe. It wasn't us, Hanji. Someone helped him get out of the titan's body, from between hostile titans, but it wasn't us."

"Levi." The name escaped Hanji's mouth on the border of a whisper and a sigh. She looked at Armin with suspiciously glinting eyes. "No time for that now. Go to the medic."

Armin nodded and followed Sasha and Connie.

The guards didn't find any evidence against Corporal Luther and his companions, but from that moment the "recovery of lost property" program officially was included in the Survey Corps tasks. "The pillory" ceased to be just a square's ornament. The only advantage of that patrol were the traps, places where Hanji could watch isolated titans and soldiers could train in hostile environment as safe as possible. Soon the traps turned out to be even more than that. Sometimes, a scout would lose in a location well-protected from prying eyes a paper with several scribbled words, and sometimes they would find a note there to be read and immediately destroyed after.

____________________

**_present_ **

"Goddesses. You are going to let us go down there, you really are." Nina Feuergell looked like a happy little girl who got a long desired present as she watched three titans - two of seven meter class and one of nine meter class - trapped within the walls of the inner courtyard of once wealthy house. She brushed away stray strands of hair that escaped from her loosely tied ponytail, not taking her sparkling eyes off titans even for a split second.

Connie nodded and rubbed his hands vigorously; Nina's excitement was contagious. It was due time for some action. Mike still hadn't given them his approval for Eren's shift; results of Hanji's tests confirmed that there weren't any shifters among new recruits, but Burke intervened and blocked the plan. Jean had been furious, but didn't press the matter. Al least Mike had agreed to Eren's plan and they were permitted to take kids to a lost town and show them the traps. The only condition was to take squads one by one in order to avoid chaos and unnecessary risks. Connie's squad was first to go.

The traps all looked similar: cut off spaces between buildings; courtyards; internal parks and gardens; titans were getting there through breaches in damaged walls or destroyed gates previously intended for carriages and horses. Trapped monsters were usually of lower classes, not taller than eight, nine meters. When scouts first had discovered such places, Hanji decided to use them for observation and experimentation that could no longer be carried out in the fort full of outsiders not prepared to fight or even accustomed to be in presence of titans. After Zoë used her test objects to their limits, scouts were killing them for practical training.

"How did they get here?" Nill Rinke whispered as if he was afraid that the titans would hear him from down there. He could pass for Nina's brother - fair haired like she was, with soft features and fine physique; only his eyes were darker, black instead of gray without clear difference between pupils and irises.

"Look over there," Sasha pointed to a building on the other side of the courtyard, with one wall ivy-clad from ground to roof. Her squad had stayed in the fort, but she was there together with Connie, Jean, Mikasa, Toni, Armin and Eren in case something went wrong. "There's a little natural ivy there, but mostly it's a masking net hiding a hole in the wall. It was Captain Zoë's idea."

"I was there when our leader together with Ackerman, Hayes and Delinger spread out and secured that net so those nice guys down there wouldn't say their goodbyes to us too soon." Ron Lorentz was practically gloating as he shared his little story with the rest. "I, Florian," he pointed with his chin to his colleague from the Military Police Brigade, "squad leader Springer, squad leader Braus, Jaeger and Arlert were distracting those tree handsome giants when our heroes showed off their aerial acrobatics with hammers in hands and nails between teeth."

"And you almost pissed your pants then," Jean muttered under his breath. Connie, the only one standing close enough to hear him, chocked trying to restrain a laugh. Springer wasn't probably aware of it, because he never said anything out loud, but every time someone outright mocked titans, he looked as if he wanted to deck the delinquent, and do it hard. 

"Enough of this empty talk. Let's do something useful, people."

Armin pulled out a folded parchment and a graphite from under his jacket. He crouched down, spread out the card and signaled the recruits to come closer.

"We have three targets. None has the characteristics of an aberrant, none seems intelligent and prone to non-standard, unexpected behavior. The maneuvering space is limited, but the buildings around the courtyard allow for unimpeded choice of places to hook your cords, so you shouldn't have any problems if you need to quickly change your direction or to withdraw from the action." Armin sketched a L-shaped courtyard which was to become a battleground in just a few moments, and marked positions of the titans. He circled a mark indicating the biggest one. "Mikasa and Toni will remove for us-"

"No," Jean cut in. Originally they planned for Mikasa and Toni, the most efficient and fastest duo among them, to get rid of the biggest titan and create safer conditions for the recruits. But in a real unplanned fight no one would remove more dangerous opponents from their path. Armin nodded, reading in Jean's gaze what he meant: we're using the situation to the limits, we let the kids check themselves while they have protection. 

"Mikasa and Toni's will be watching from that roof; they'll distract the bald titan on their way over there and lure him closer to the opposite wall. Eren and Sasha will be on the right side, here; they'll try to lead the shaggy one round the corner. We leave the biggest one where he stands. It will give us more space to maneuvering. Connie and I will stay here. The bald one and the shaggy one will be eliminated first. This will attract the big one. Don't take unnecessary risks, work in teams, secure each other down there. We will be watching and monitor the situation. If you lose control, we will intervene. Just remember, you have real titans here, not wooden dummies. They react. They attack. They want to tear you to shreds. That's all I have to say. Jean, do you have something to add?"

"Don't end this in a titan's stomach," Jean said before he started running toward a place where he would have the best view over the courtyard, Eren and Sasha on his heels. Mikasa and Toni jumped into the air, swiftly flying between the bald monster and his bigger kinsman. Just like Armin predicted, the big one didn't even notice the two girls, lost in his nightly lethargy. The bald one was more vigorous; he did a half-turn when the girls flew by his mindlessly smiling face provoking him to approach the chosen building.

Connie had already divided his squad into two teams of three persons each, and now he was giving them last tips and clues. When he finished, the recruits ran in two opposite directions, ready to take down the titans assigned to them.

Nina caught with her team's target as the first one. Baldy noticed her when she shot one of her hooks toward a broad, fleshy neck. He reacted fast; a thick layer of clouds still was filtering the first rays of sun, but it seemed that he didn't need sunshine to operate. He spun and Nina's hook slid down a massive shoulder. The girl was forced to change her flight direction. She recovered fast and regained her balance, but the boys from her team had already killed the titan without her. The sadly remains were already decaying and smoking profusely. 

But Nina wasn't going to be outdone by boys. Without waiting for anything she moved toward the biggest titan with the intention of killing him single-handedly. Her right hook hit the building they all were starting from. Using the taut cord and a momentum it created she made a nice arc around the monster that was curiously interested in the fight between the second team and the shaggy titan. She shot her left hook aiming for the neck. She was near his ribs when he swung his hand trying to catch her and pulling the cord as a result. Ultimately, Nina lost all control over her flight.

Connie, Mikasa and Jean reacted immediately, together. Connie, who was closest to Nina, caught her in the air before she hit a wall. Mikasa and Jean headed toward the titan to prevent him from another attack. Jean speeded by the monster, right in front of his big, round eyes. The titan turned to him, tried to catch his cord just like he did with Nina's. He wasn't able to, because Jean snatched it quickly into the slot, flying further by a push of gas from the tank on his gear. His maneuver revealed the titan's neck to Mikasa, who cut deeply with both blades.

In the meantime, the other team handled the shaggy titan without help. A black spot of burned grass was all that left after. 

Jean pushed Connie away from Nina and nervously looked her up and down.

"Are you all right?"

Nina nodded, clearly in shock.

"'Don't take unnecessary risks'," Jean quoted Armin, trying to sound calm and firm, and failing. "'Work together.' Did you forget so soon what Armin told you? What was that, Feuergell? Perhaps, if you can't listen to what is said to you, you shouldn't be here. This is not a playground, soldier."

Nina trembled visibly under his stern gaze. All her bravado and enthusiasm was lost.

"Yes, sir," she said quietly, but amended herself almost immediately, repeating it in a stronger and firmer manner.

"Arrogance's not good for you, Nina," Jean said more gently. Then he turned to the rest of recruits. "Great job. I hope everyone learned something from it. Now, as you experienced what it's like to stand face to face with a real enemy, you know your reactions. Remember one thing, though: in a real battle there's no guaranty that there will be someone near enough, who will come to your aid in a critical moment. In the end, your life is in your hands. We're soldiers of the Survey Corps, we're scouts, and scouts, if required, give their lives. Don't die for stupid personal ambition or adrenaline rush. It's not worth it. Connie, get your squad ready to return. Wait for us on the other side of the Wall."

Connie mustered the recruits and soared up together with them, going up to the Wall Rose.

"Jean, are you all right?" Armin came closer, frowning, a calculating look on his face. Sasha and Eren stood by, waiting for his response, while Mikasa and Toni chose to check the net overlying the entry hole of the trap.

Jean nervously ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm not sure it was good idea." He was looking at Eren as if he alone could either share the blame or stop his doubts. "We made a game of it. It was never a game for us. Never."

"Speak for yourself, Kirschtein!" Toni laughed, somehow catching his words from a distance. "I'm having fun every time I make them smoke."

"'Cause you're a loony psychopath," Jean muttered in a reply intended only for those standing beside him.

"I've heard!"

"No, she hadn't," Armin assured him with a slight smile, which quickly faded. "I'm sure Nina will learn from what happened here." "The rest of them handled it really well," Eren added. "I don't think that they treated today's operation as a game. The three we supervised took their titan down without any unnecessary acrobatics and bravado. I liked it."

"Shouldn't we punish Nina?" Sasha visibly swallowed, obviously not liking her own words, but she didn't yield even if her kind nature had to be screaming at her to let it go. "So she would remember the lesson longer."

Jean shook his head.

"I don't want for what happened to Nina to influence behavior of other recruits, so no one hesitates at the wrong moment in fear of punishment."

"Sasha! Armin! Get your butts up here and help to secure the net!" Toni called to them from a roof over the exposed hole in the wall, where a long time ago had been an entrance gate. "Kirschtein and Jaeger will cover us when we penetrate the streets for new pupils for Captain Zoë."

In the end, they managed to lure two titans into the courtyard, both of seven meter class. They secured the net, Toni, Mikasa and Jean tying it on metal hooks around the breach, while the rest was distracting the monsters, drawing their attention away from the trio. Assured that they leave the place in good order, they joined Connie and his squad. The sun, hidden behind a thick layer of clouds, was still hanging low over the horizon, just starting its daily journey towards the zenith, as they rode back to the fort.

*

Squad 9th, Sasha's squad composed entirely of former stationary guards, handled the task just as well if not better than squad 8th as there was no unnecessary bravado that Nina had shown. Their trap held only two monsters, one of seven meter class and one of eight meter class, so the enemy was less in number, but the trapped individuals turned out to be more active than their predecessors. Still, they both fell under recruits' blades in mere minutes. At the end of the operation, senior scouts lured inside one lone titan; he was the only one close enough able to get through a breach in the wall. After that they decided not to lower the net down in hope of another monster that would stray from the streets into the trap.

In the evening of the second victorious day they all sat together, just like they did the previous night, some in the recruits' barrack, some outside, sharing their feelings and experiences. The kids needed common celebration of their first real success in the fight against the Titans.

Inside, Armin was telling a story about a world beyond the Walls. It was based a little on his experience as a scout, but more on information he had read in banned books, because the recollection of losses inextricably woven into every mission of the Corps was something no one needed that day. With his every word a group of volunteers for a journey into the unknown was growing; the mysterious, magical ocean was calling more and more names.

Jean heard all of that more than once, and although every time a small part of him was as much fascinated as it was the first time, that evening no exception, he left the common room in the middle of it to go outside.

There was a small group of recruits on the bench near the entrance, Sasha among them, hiding on the porch from drizzling rain. The group was almost all girls, all female recruits - only Nina's too enthralled by Armin's stories to leave the barrack for gossips - and only two boys: Felix Khole from his squad and Ash Denzel from Sasha's. For a moment Jean was debating if he should join them, but before he decided, someone called him, following him from the barrack outside.

"Can I talk to you, sir? Alone?" Kris asked, hesitance apparent in his eyes even if he didn't sound uncertain or nervous.

Despite having a bad feeling about it, Jean nodded.

"Let's go." 

When he led Kris toward the other side of the porch, a girl from Sasha's little group spoke in a hushed but humorous voice, her words chasing after him.

"I don't think that our leader likes us."

It was Erika Schmidt, a former stationary guard, Sasha's subordinate. Jean wasn't sure if she said it on purpose or if she just didn't notice him there. Either way, she didn't seem too concerned about her statement; there was neither disappointment nor resentment in her tone. He looked over his shoulder at Sasha, who just rolled her eyes.

"You don't need to worry about leader Kirschtein's sympathy," she addressed all the recruits sitting there, not only Erika. "I assure you, you will get tired of his company when he won't leave your side during the mission like a real mother hen with her chicks."

Was there a meaningful gleam in her eyes when for a split second her gaze strayed to Kris? Jean didn't wonder about it.

"Come on," he called to Kris, going further away. Still, he heard the response of one of the recruits, this time a boy.

"It's a mental picture I really, really don't need." 

They didn't expect good natured humor from Felix Khole, more like scathing comments and viciousness. It was true that during his service in the Military Police Brigade while he had been assigned to the troops supervising scouts in their new fort he wasn't bothering them too much, but still, he was military police and they were scouts. But that was then; these days all of them were wearing the Wings, they needed to remember that.

"What do you want to talk about?" Jean asked Kris, when he was sure they were out of earshot of other recruits. The group was still talking about him, little glimpses straying now and then in his and Kris' direction. Kayla Lee, a girl from the Garrison, didn't even try to hide her glances, openly staring at him. Ash Denzel, another one of former stationary guards, held her in his arms, her back to his chest. Sasha once said that they reminded her of Franz and Hannah, although they weren't embarrassed when someone hinted at their feelings. Kayla was by no means shy; Ash didn't hide how proud he was that the pretty brunette choose him to be with. 

Kris didn't answer for a moment, gaze wandering over the central square that was almost empty at this hour, scarce guards walking in the rain only here and there.

"You were my brother's friend, I remember you from his training years," he started slowly, hesitance obvious now. 

Jean felt icy grip twisting something inside him; metallic taste reached his mouth and he swallowed nervously.

"Yeah," he said even if Kris didn't need his confirmation. "Marco was my friend."

"They had never told us how he died," Kris continued quietly, almost as if he was talking to himself, not Jean. But then he looked up at him, old grief mixed with new hope in his eyes. "Will you?"

It was a horrible gaze, almost impossible to stand, but Jean didn't look away. For a moment all he saw was a memory of Marco half-sitting, half-laying by that building in Trost, dead. The wound left by that sight never healed, never even truly closed. How would he say that he didn't know how Marco died? That no one knew because Marco died all alone, far away from his friends, terrified and in so much pain-

"Kris." His voice cracked pitifully. He swore silently. He was a leader for that boy, he should appear tough and reliable, solid. He cleared his throat and tried once more, still not really knowing what he would say. "Kris, listen-"

He was interrupted by a nasty guffaw that came from the direction of Sasha's group. There were three newcomers, all of them criminals from Mike's penal squad. Jean didn't notice when they approached their recruits, but it didn't look good.

"So many sweets and pretties, boys. Choose what you like."

The convict that rumbled more than spoke was all tall and wiry with a reddish bristle on his jaw and cold, aggressive eyes. Where are their supervisors and guards when needed? They didn't need a brawl between recruits and those trash. Sasha was already on her feet, ready to take action.

"Sorry, Kris. We'll finish it later," Jean said, already on the move toward Sasha and the others.

"That's right, Benno," one of the other convicts acknowledged. "Sweetie pies and candies, all ready to be eaten."

Again, that disgusting, creeps causing laugh.

"Is there a problem, soldier?" Jean came to a halt between two groups of recruits, separating them from each other. He didn't feel overtaken by the fact that 'Benno' and his two colleagues - both as wiry and equally repulsive as their comrade was - had an advantage of age over him; all three of them looked strong under uniforms that were deprived of the Survey Corps' emblem. None were overly bulky or muscular, but they had to be in good form; maneuver gear required specific physical condition for the optimal use of it. They posed a challenge, but it wouldn't be a first one in Jean's military career. 

"Look what we have here. A little kid-commander," the redhead noted, looking pointedly at insignia on Jean's jacket. "Yes, we do have a problem, kid-leader. You're in our way, blocking sight of the pretties." 

"You shouldn't be here." Sasha stepped forward, stopping next to Jean. "I suggest taking a turnabout and going back where you came from."

They really shouldn't be there. The convicts were free to move only within their allocated barrack. They were taking part in lectures just like other recruits, but separately. They trained separately, too, under watchful eyes of Mike and several stationary guards that were there for security reasons. In their free time they were allowed to continue their exercises if they wanted to, but only under strict guard. Mike wasn't thinking much about integration of scouts and criminals.

"Well, well. This sweetie pie here wants to tell us what we should do and what we shouldn't. I think, sweetie pie, that you and the pretties over there need real men, not these weaklings who sit with you and waste your time." He looked pointedly at Jean when he finished.

"Get out of here while you're still able to do it on your own," Jean hissed, narrowing his eyes. He flinched when someone grabbed his clenched fist, guiding it back down. Eren.

"Listen to him and crawl back under your stone before the stationary guards show you the way with the barrels of their riffles." Eren's voice carried only a tad less threat than Jean's earlier.

Benno eyed Eren, then the recruits who one by one were coming out of the barrack. Their discussion had to be louder than he was aiming for, and lured the kids outside. He raised his hands in a placatory gesture, grinning nastily.

"As you command, _sir_." He saluted in clear mockery. Before he led his companions away, he called out to Sasha.

"Your surly colleagues interfered in our fun, but do not worry, sweetie pie, I promise it's not over yet." He winked at her and then left, his friends in tow.

"I hate them," Erika hissed with a feeling, boring holes in their back with an angry gaze. "I hate them almost as much as the Titans."

"What it means to be a scout, when even such a waste of space gets a cloak with the Wings?" Kris added. He was standing next to Jean.

"They don't get the Wings," Jean reminded him. "They have jackets, they have green cloaks, but they don't get an emblem on it. They don't deserve the Wings."

"Well, the show's over." Sasha got back to the recruits who were still tense and ready to fight. "It's almost a curfew. Go back to your quarters."

They went back inside obediently but with obvious reluctance, whispering briskly with each other. The criminals and their offensive behavior and taunts shouldn't have had a place in the Corps. 

"Sir." Kris as the only recruit stayed with the older scouts outside, not moving from his place by Jean. Before he could say something more or before Jean could address him, Eren spoke.

"The curfew applies to you, too, Kris," he said, giving the boy a hard stare. "I hope you still remember that you go on a mission tomorrow before dawn. Go."

"Yes, sir."

Before he went, Kris looked at Jean questioningly. Jean nodded briefly, but said nothing. He spoke only when they were alone with Eren.

"What the hell was that, Jaeger?"

Eren turned on his heel and started walking toward their quarters. Jean stood there for a moment longer, then caught up with Eren with a few angry strides. He wasn't even sure why he was so furious with Eren, as Jaeger saved him from talking to Kris about- About. But he was. So. Fucking. Mad.

"I asked you a question."

Eren shrugged, not even slowing.

"Nothing. I sent Kris to the barrack, because Sasha was right and it's already late enough for recruits to take to beds and not wander around the fort. Do you see something inappropriate in that?"

"You fucking bet I see something inappropriate! Kris was talking to me and you're not in charge of the recruits to be giving them orders!"

"And for me your talking to him is inappropriate!" Eren came to a halt finally. "From the first day you keep your distance to all of them, but then you talk to Kris, alone. In no time someone will say something about favoritism. That's what you want?"

Jean opened his mouth to shout something in reply, but before he did, he took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair as he often did lately when he needed to gather his thoughts.

"Nonsense," he hissed. He strode past Eren, leaving him behind.

"Hey!" Eren ran to him and grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop and turn around. "Now I asked you a question and I want to hear an answer."

"Jealous, Jaeger?" Jean growled, narrowing his eyes furiously.

Eren starred at him for a moment in total silence and then pushed him hard, walking past him and away without a single word.

Jean laughed without humor.

"So, you really are jealous. Of a fifteen year old kid."

"I'm not." Eren turned to face Jean. "But I don't like what I see. And I see that you can't look him straight in the eyes, can't look straight at him, period, but on the other hand you don't let him out of your sight. Why's that?"

Jean didn't answer right away. A silence that came between them was overwhelming. The sounds of the fort immersed in a night rest couldn't fill it, and with every passing second it was becoming more and more unbearable.

"You can't tell me who I can talk to and how can I look at them," Jean said at last, but they both knew that conversation had nothing to do with anyone's jealousy. The fire that ignited each and every word of their sudden clash, faded just as quickly as it appeared. 

"I know," Eren answered quietly. "I'm not trying to."

"I don't favor him in any means."

"I know that, too." Eren's voice rang firmly, with conviction. He would never accuse Jean of being a bad commanding officer.

"It's just- hard, you know? So fucking hard." He was looking at the ground at his feet as if there he could find all the answers. But there was only mud and dirty puddles.

"Yeah, I know. We suspected it would be like that."

"The mission will go well tomorrow, right?" Jean asked in hushed voice as if afraid that saying his doubts out loud would bring them bad luck. But he needed to ask because he needed to hear the answer.

"Yeah, just like today and yesterday," Eren assured him. "Come on. We need to get some sleep before tomorrow, too."

Jean nodded and headed for the quarters, Eren right behind him.

*

It was still dark when squad 10th left the fort. They were joined by Mike Zacharius and three of his recruits on the way to their first real action; to Sasha's disdain it was Benno and his two companions.

"I heard what had happened yesterday," Mike explained. "They're in a dire need of a lesson. I warned them that if they sidetrack even by a single step, they will end cut to shreds by your blades."

First, for their guests specially, they headed for the trap from the day before with only one small lone titan lured inside by senior scouts after squad 9th's action. They would find another one for Hanji's experimentation, more impressive one. Still, a monster of a lower class was enough for convicts who didn't have a thorough military training, only a three-month long one when still in prison.

Mike's earlier statement had desired effect, because not once any of the three criminals did try to escape. On the way there Benno was riding next to Mikasa, trying to provoke her with unsophisticated stories. To no avail; to Toni's amusement and Jean's sincere admiration Mikasa seemed completely unaffected like he wasn't even there. Sasha, riding by her on the other side, was red, but whether from embarrassment or anger at the convict's disgusting suggestions, it was hard to tell. Mike was cutting in when the talk was entering particularly dangerous territories, but he wasn't really silencing anyone, knowing that just in a few moments Benno and his colleagues would be speechless with terror.

"So, as I understand, all the pretty sweeties and bunnies are here to show us what we'll be doing," Benno referred to Mikasa, Toni, Sasha, and two girls from squad 10th: Elisa and Andrea. They reached the top of Wall Rose and stood above a square with one sadly wandering small titan. The convict bowed gallantly before Mikasa, his gaze staying meaningfully on her breasts. For even greater impression he ostentatiously licked his lips.

Mike grabbed him by the throat and squeezed tightly, cutting off his breath.

"I will show you why you came here, personally. Make sure you're the one still standing, not that titan down there, after."

With heavy shove he pushed Benno over the edge of the Wall. He did the same with the second convict. At his sign Jean took care of the third one.

Something from their three-month training had to stay with them, because all three managed to catch themselves on the Wall with their gear, avoiding smashing into the ground. One of them bounced off the Wall uncontrollably, which dazed him, but his cord didn't give and he stayed hanging there miserably. The second one was trying to climb back up. Benno as the only one swept through the air elegantly, getting onto the roof of the opposite building. Laughing, he made a mocking salute towards scouts. He started running, jumping to the next building, one of the many in a row along the Wall.

"Mikasa, Jean, Connie, Toni, get him back." Mike didn't moved a muscle, following the escape only with his stormy gaze. As the four leaped into the air, starting after Benno, he continued. "Eren, Sasha, Armin, kill the titan. Extract those fools up here before they do something stupid, too."

The two other criminals clearly hadn't the skills of their leader. They didn't end up in the titan's outstretched hands just because the monster turned out to be extremely vulnerable to the after-dark energy lack. He was moving slowly and with difficulty. The scouts didn't have any problems with his demise. When the titan was already dead, stench of rot heavy in air, they helped the convicts get out of the trap.

"This was your last warning." Mike looked in disgust at the shaking men on their hands and knees before him. "There will be no more penal trainings. No more lock-ups. From now on everyone who violate the rules will go to the hole with a titan. And they will stay there, because I won't command real soldiers to risk their necks for such trash like you lot anymore."

The team that went after Benno landed next to Mike, unconscious criminal between Connie and Jean. The boys let him collapse at Mike's feet.

"He's good," Jean said, joining his squad. "But not as good as he thinks he is. He wouldn't make it."

Mike nodded when Connie started tying Benno's hands behind his back.

"It was hell to bring him back unconscious," Connie offered unasked. "Next time we just let the bastard be eaten."

"You hear?" Mike addressed the two criminals icily. "Don't forget it."

When Mike gave the order to move on, the two had to take care of their comrade. Trained scouts had troubles with transporting an unconscious man through air, and the criminals almost couldn't do it without hurting themselves or their baggage in the process. But Mike wasn't interested in their convenience and besides he didn't mind if they earned a bruise or dozen trying to get down together from the Wall and to the horses.

Dawn was breaking when they reached the second trap. It was almost past right time for squad 10th to have their training, but one look at the two titans trapped there was enough to determine that the monsters were still in lethargy. The first one was of seven meter class, bony and rough looking. The second one was only of six meter class. He was chubby; with a mass of bright curls and a dreamy smile he would look like a cherub right from children books, if not for his grotesque posture.

Armin, like always before an action, unfolded his parchment, draw the situation for recruits, explained his plan, and ended the briefing with the already well-known 'do not risk unnecessary, watch your back'. When everyone confirmed that they understood their tasks, Jean gave the signal to attack.

Felix, Tommy and Elisa sped toward the seven-meters individual; Kris, Andrea and Travis went toward the six-meters one. Nobody was showing off, even these two from the Brigade, Felix and Travis. They were sticking to the plan, all of them. Well, all except the titans.

The cherub, instead of strenuously bat away from the scouts linked to him on their hooks and cords, ignored soldiers that were attacking him, and with one sudden jump leapt toward his bigger companion and his own lot of human flies.

"An aberrant!" Armin screamed, and the securing senior team immediately was on the move and in the air with their blades in hands.

The aberrant crashed into the second titan violently, knocking him down and causing all recruits that were hooked to them both lost control over their flight. Andrea and Felix managed to snatch their hooks out and push back from the enemy with the release of gas from their tanks. The rest of them was not so lucky.

Jean and Mikasa were down in seconds. They cut the cords they could reach; Jean freed Tommy and Mikasa helped Elisa. Mikasa caught the girl before she collided with a wall. Jean made sure that Tommy landed safely and leapt back up in the air, speeding to Kris, whose cord, stretched to the limits, steered the boy straight for the bigger titan. He got to Kris, freed him by cutting his cord, but still, that alone wasn't enough to change the direction of Kris' flight; he would collide with the titan hard, painfully. Jean felt a stinging breath of the aberrant on his neck. With all he had he pushed Kris violently away, praying to the nonexistent goddesses that he would act consciously and use his other, intact cord and hook.

A thunder cracked somewhere above them, followed by a furious, ear-splitting roar. Eren, Jean thought right before he crashed into hard as a stone, covered with tight, scalding skin ribcage of the titan. Blackness obscured his vision. Fighting a daze he thrown his hook sideways; _get into something, anything, just so I can get out of here, before the aberrant atta-_

He screamed, when the temperature around suddenly rose to unimaginable heat just in a split second. _I'll be burnt alive I'll suffocate I'll be crushed by a burning foul carcass-_

Devastating power of an enormous hand threw him down, disrupting a string of hectic thoughts on the last one: _I'm about to die_. 

A sudden jerk to the side saved him from the certain death; his hook actually stuck into something. However, a chance maneuver couldn't preserve him from a painful downfall that took his consciousness.

A frantic whisper brought him back from a bottomless emptiness where was no light and no Marco. ' _It's my fault, it's because of me, squad leader Kirschtein, Jean, wake up, please, wake up._ ' He wasn't sure who it was, but he did know the roar that rumbled somewhere in the distance, mighty roar, still furious and full of threat to the enemy. Then there was Mikasa's voice, cold and sinister as the cutting edge of their blades, but still sweet as always, ' _back off, Kris, I got him, you just move away; Eren's not himself at the moment, you don't want him to see you here, with his blood all over you_ '. 

It was strange how his friends never spoke to Kris by name, not like to the other recruits. Even the previous day, Eren-

Eren-

"It's all right, Jean, just stay calm. Eren will be here any moment now." Again, Mikasa's voice, strangely without that chilling ice in her tone. "It's just some bruises and burns, nothing serious."

If it's not serious, then why his head was pulsing with an overpowering pain as if a titan was trying to get out into the world? And why couldn't he open his eyes, eyelids glued together with something sticky and hot, and why, when he tried to wipe that disgusting something from his face, it felt as if his skin broke and peeled off from his muscles with every movement like a desiccated mud of blood and beyond-the-Wall-dust after a raid-

That last picture made his stomach leap up to his throat and choke him. Sudden loss of breath stifled the remnants of feverish thoughts and he sank back into blackness.


	4. Chapter 4

Damn, but the collision with the ground hurt. Something snapped under him and he felt air escape his lungs as it was pushed out with mighty force of the crash. He choked, then coughed, fighting to regain his breath. He tried to get up but all he managed was to prop himself weakly on his shaking hands. Cutting edges of pavement dug into the soft of his palms, giving him more bruises. Long minutes passed before high-pitched ringing in his ears subdued to a tolerable buzz, and a fuzzy, grayish world began to recover its sharpness and colors.

Kris! He looked around through a thin fog that was still obscuring his vision, but younger Bodt was nowhere to be seen. Only Kris' older brother was there, standing further away as if keeping watch, an emblem with the Unicorn on his back, eyes fixed on a narrow strip of blue between sky-scrapping buildings that rose high on both sides of the street.

A sudden stabbing pain shot through his chest, and once again he couldn't breathe. He stared at the Unicorn on Marco's jacket, petrified by a thought of what he was about to see when his friend would turn to face him.

"We have to go." Marco blindly took a few steps backwards as a long and deep shadow of something huge fell on the deserted street. "We can't stay here."

He didn't have an answer to that, he couldn't even move a single muscle, and Marco looked back at him, prompting urgently, "Jean?" Brown eyes were dim with anxiety and a face full of freckles expressed concern.

Relief that washed over him was so great that he sagged boneless on the pavement. Marco dropped to his knees beside him.

"Jean? Are you all right? Can you get up?"

He nodded slowly, feeling as if in some kind of trance. He raised his hand and trailed his fingers over Marco's right cheek. It got him a small, warm smile in return.

"Where are the others?" His voice cracked on the edges with something painfully constricting his throat. The two of them, they shouldn't be here alone, right?

Marco got to his feet and offered a hand to haul him up.

"Franz and Hannah are on the other side of town on that small meadow by the stream, together of course, because you know that nothing could ever separate them. Nack and Milieus are there, too. Petra keeps Ness company. Together they look after our horses. I like Petra, she's so nice. And she's very pretty, isn't she?"

He confirmed with a small nod; Petra was nice and pretty, he thought so right after he met her for the first time at the castle's courtyard. He was already standing firmly on his feet, but Marco still didn't let go of his hand. They were so close they shared breath. The shadow falling on them became deeper, but neither of them seemed to care about that.

"Oluo is with his family at home. I heard him once saying he has a large family. Eld is probably watching over his fiancée. Gunther- Sorry, I don't know anything about Gunther. But I do know what Mina is up to. She's still trying to find Annie and bring her home."

He wanted to say that Annie was sleeping, safe in her crystal, but the sound of her name brought something else to his mind. He reached for blade handles and held them out to Marco.

"I'm sure you would like to have them back. I took good care of them."

Marco smiled gently at the offered handles, a shadow of regret in his serene eyes.

"I know you did. You will still do. We're together now, and that's all that matters to me." Marco looked up straight into his eyes. "I've been waiting for you."

He tried to say something meaningful to that, wanted to explain somehow his delay, but he just choked on his response. There were no words for an explanation of his surviving even when the odds had been so very against him. And there were no words to justify that time when the right to fight in war had been taken from him. With no battles there was no chance for them to meet again.

"Jean, it's okay."

Marco pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around him. Rough material of a jacket with the Unicorn was scratching him, but he made no attempt to disentangle himself from the hug. He buried his face in the crook of Marco's neck and clung to him even tighter. He wanted to assure his best friend that he hadn't been hiding, had been prepared and waiting for their next meeting. But as long as he had strength to fight there were other duties for him to fulfill beforehand.

"Jean, stop it."

Marco tilted his face up with gentle fingers. Cautious thumbs caressed over his cheekbones, wiping the moisture away and leaving a burning echo of a touch in their wake. Marco leaned forward and joined their lips in a chaste kiss.

New tears trickled down his face.

"Jean, don't do this. Please, stop it."

This time, surprisingly, it wasn't Marco who reprimanded him softly. Startled, he turned toward the street entry where Eren's voice came from. A titan stood there, high up to the sky and grinning with two rows of mighty teeth. It was his shadow they were standing in.

Marco was already on the move toward the titan, blades out and shining in the sun. 

"There's no need to-" he tried to stop him, panic rising, but his words had no effect.

"It has to be stopped!" Marco shouted, leaping into the air. "The monster is out of control and the king wants its blood!"

"It's not a monster! It's Eren!" 

Eren couldn't die. He was humanity's last chance for victory. Without him scouts wouldn't win the freedom for mankind. Without him all hope would die.

Eren was his brother in arms. He was his friend. He was his-

He flew up, pulling out both blades with the intention of defending the titan, because that was what he did for years now, but also because the thought of a world without Eren suddenly became unbearable. With help of gas from his tanks he got between Marco and the titan. He had nauseating certainty that there was only one way to stop what was about to happen.

But Marco had died once, already. If he had to die again- A blood curdling scream filled with anguish, despair and rage pierced through the air, and it stunned him when he realized it was his own. He threw the blades away, spread his arms and clenched his eyes shut, still in Marco's way, prepared for a strike.

Seconds passed and nothing happened. The darkness overcame him once more.

*

When Jean tried to open his eyes again, he just couldn't do it. He raised his hand to his face in an attempt to check what was going on, but someone grabbed it and gently guided it back down.

"No," Eren whispered close to his ear. "Leave it."

"What-" he began, but his hoarse voice broke and not a word more passed through his dry and painfully scratched throat. He tried to swallow but it didn't help. It was weird because he didn't have such problems earlier when talking to Marco.

"Jean?" Eren's voice sounded louder and more alert this time. The grip on Jean's hand became stronger.

"Jaeg-" he hissed, masking a groan of pain.

Eren immediately let go of his hand.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. It just- You woke up."

Using Eren's distracted state to his own advantage he reached up to- some rags that were covering his eyes? He sprang up abruptly, ignoring sudden dizziness and stabbing pain in his chest, but before he tore off the dressing from his face, Eren stopped him again, more firmly.

"Just stop it! You shouldn't touch it!"

"I can't see- let me go- what happened, I can't see!" Sudden panic brought his voice back, stifled the pain. The thought of losing his sight choked him, and his whole body shook with uncontrollable shiver.

"Easy, Jean, it's just for a short while. Stuart! Breathe. You'll be fine, but you have to leave the bandages where they are. Ingrid! Do you hear me? You will be fine."

Through the rising hysteria Jean was registering a changing tone of Jaeger's voice but not really his words; first it was determined but calm, then urgent and loud, calm and confident again, and impatient with a piercing note of panic once more. Words were nothing to him, and even when Eren's 'you'll be fine' reached him, he didn't understand it. How could he be fine, if he didn't see?

There was a nauseating odor right under his nose, and it snaked deeper into his mind, stifling thought after thought: about that street, about Marco, about the titan and the fight, until there was nothing except a terrifying black. Only unconsciousness that came after brought him relief.

*

Eren moved away from the bed to make room for Stuart, a medic who came alarmed by his desperate shouts. He stayed, however, within the space secluded by linen canvas that separated individual patients, watching the medic while he inspected Jean's bandages one after the other to be sure that Jean didn't damage the dressings in a fit of panic and didn't open any of his wounds in the process. Dim green eyes followed the medic's movements as he first checked straps of soft fabric that protected Jean's eyes, then the thicker, stiffer ones wrapped over the left forearm from hand to elbow, then the ones tightly pulled around his ribs and shoulder, and finally the ones on his thigh. The latter were slowly soaking with blood and Stuart stopped there for longer.

Eren remembered how the long, wide cut had been coloring the uniform with dark red blood while they rode back to the fort from the trap earlier that day. It had taken twenty seven stitches to close it up; probably one or two of them came undone when Jean sat up so abruptly.

"For Sina's pride, Eren, sit down before you fall and crack your head open," Stuart muttered. He unwound the bandage and wiped the wound with a gauze drenched with some fluid. "We have enough work with him and the others, we don't need you to add to it. It's just a couple of stitches to re-do, we can do this."

'We can do this.' When Stuart had seen Jean burned, bloodied and bruised, he said so, too, although more conviction was in his voice than his eyes as he cataloged all the injuries squad leader Kirschtein sustained. The burns and cuts - with the exception of the one on his leg which was bleeding profusely and wouldn't close on its own - weren't really serious, but they weren't insignificant, either. Jean had been gasping for breath, sucking the air with harsh sounds. He had choked on smoke from the dead titan and that damaged his throat and windpipe, maybe even lungs. Moreover, cracked ribs weren't helping with his heavy breathing. 

"You know very well that I don't need anyone's help to heal." Despite his stubbornness, Eren pulled up a chair and sat down. "I would just smoke a little in some deserted corner and that's all. I've been taking care of myself since I came here, so you wouldn't really have any unnecessary work."

Stuart gave a short laugh.

"Self-pitying much, Eren? You know that not everyone can do without our help, because not everyone will regenerate bitten off limbs."

"I know, I know." Eren stared as Stuart dressed the wound and wrapped it with a new bandage. All that time Jean didn't flinch even once, claimed by a deep sleep brought by a medical potion. 

When Stuart finished, Eren immediately tried to move closer to the bed but the medic stepped in his way.

"It's the middle of the night, Eren. You should lie down for at least couple of hours, you have much to do in the morning, don't you?"

"I don't need sleep. I'd rather stay here. Mike said I'm allowed."

Stuart sighed. He closed his hand on Eren's shoulder and forced him to look up.

"Listen, kid. Jean won't wake up till noon, I assure you. Hanji's hocus-pocus is very effective. I'm pretty sure that before he will be conscious again the bandages over his eyes can be taken off, so there won't be a repeat of what happened just now. Twenty-four hours should be enough to prevent further irritation."

"But-"

"Be reasonable. You're of no use to him right now. And I'll have an eye on him."

Eren hesitated, but he nodded finally. He walked over to the bed and gently touched Jean's hand. Stuart left them alone, but even then Eren did nothing more for a long while. There were just too many bandages, too many bruises emerging from under them. It's nothing, there's no danger, Jean needed few days of rest, then few more without unnecessary exertion and he would be all right. That's what medics had been saying, what Stuart had said.

He would be all right- Till next time.

In a silly gesture Eren brushed his fingertips gently over Jean's lips. They were paler than normal - from the loss of blood. He turned away and left the room without looking back.

Just like Stuart had said it was long after midnight. When Eren got to his quarters, Connie and Armin were deeply asleep. He made his way toward the bed only by the dim light of torches outside that filtered through the blanketed window. It wasn't much, but still enough to keep him from walking into anything and making a noise. He took off his clothes and sat down heavily, resting his head in his hands. He wanted to forget the events of that day, but they still were vivid in his mind: a terrifying sight of a leaping titan dragging the recruits with him to destroy them on walls, Jean crashing firstly into the bony monster and then into the ground, Mikasa kneeling by his bloodied, motionless body and whispering with audible concern that it would be fine, it's nothing. It all had already passed.

What still remained was the question who would tell Jean that they had failed to save Travis Grant. The aberrant crushed him with an angelic smile a split second before Connie and Toni reached him. Connie didn't avoid the hit when a giant hand swung by, but fortunately he managed to regain his control before the monster attacked once again.

Eren heard the rustle of sheets and in no time his mattress sagged from the additional weight of Armin, who squeezed his hand reassuringly. When Eren didn't react, Armin moved closer and embraced him loosely, silently offering his support.

Eren took a deep breath and relaxed in Armin's arms.

"Eren," Armin started, but was interrupted.

"Shh, Connie's asleep."

"Connie's not asleep," Connie interjected from his bed. His voice was too conscious for him to wake up at Eren's return. More likely he didn't sleep at all. "How's Jean?"

Armin's grip became a little stronger.

"He's good." 'Until next time', threw in an intrusive thought. "He woke up several times, but only once for longer and truly consciously. He panicked because of the bandages over his eyes. Stuart had to put him to sleep again with some potion of Hanji."

Connie swore quietly.

"As long as he sleeps, he doesn't try to get up," Armin noted reasonably.

Eren smiled faintly. So true; it would be nightmare to keep Jean in bed when he would be conscious again.

"Did you speak with Kris already?" Connie asked. He turned toward them and propped on his elbow to look at Eren. Even in darkness Eren saw a shiny intensity in his eyes. Connie and Sasha had already become close to their recruits and had treated very personally each and every offence toward the kids, no matter who the offender was.

It wasn't something Eren remembered, but Mikasa said that when his titan had seen Kris Bodt by unconscious Jean, he got oh-so-mad. He roared into the kid's face, almost deafening everyone who was nearby. Mikasa had been convinced that nothing more would happen, but Eren wasn't so sure that without her intervention - she pushed Kris aside and away from Jean - he would stop with just a roar. He should apologize to Kris for that, explain to the kid that he hadn't had hostile intentions. And he had to do it not only for personal reasons; recruits who already knew his secret had to trust him. Otherwise they wouldn't be able to fight arm to arm with a shifter, already too similar to the enemy even without hostile behavior toward them.

"Not yet, but I will. In the morning, I promise."

Connie nodded approvingly and dropped back onto his pillows.

"And how are you feeling? Both of you?"

Eren felt more than heard Armin's sigh.

"You know nothing happened to me."

It sounded as if Armin tried to apologize for being alright. And yet it was Armin who put down the first titan, eliminating him from the chaotic fight. The second one, the aberrant, was ripped to shreds with hands of Eren's rouge titan.

"I'll live," Connie assured him flatly. Then he wrapped the covers around himself, drawing them up to his nose, and that was a clear signal to end their conversation.

"You too, go to sleep, Armin." Eren hugged his friend tighter for a moment before he disentangled himself to get under the covers. 

For a long time they lay in silence, knowing that none of them had fallen asleep just yet, but they didn't try to start a new conversation. It was enough that they were together; it helped to sooth their hectic, raging thoughts.

*

When Jean regained consciousness again, the impenetrable blackness from earlier faded to an unobtrusive grey. He was aware of panic he had felt while falling asleep but he wasn't sure if what he remembered actually happened or was only a part of his nightmares. Carefully he reached to his face to check for bandages. There were none, only a sting where his fingertips touched irritated skin. He opened his eyes and blinked at a blurry ceiling above, slowly regaining sharpness of his vision. He could see. He didn't lose his sight.

"You're awake. It's about time, I've already thought that Hanji's magic potion was intended to bringing down titans and not calming recalcitrant patients."

Jean turned his head toward the voice; it was surprising how much energy cost him such a simple movement.

"I'm not-" he started and choked on his words when his throat itched painfully. He caught a faint smile from Stuart. The medic was sitting by his bed and held his wrist, watching a timer.

"Recalcitrant?" Stuart suggested. He offered him a cup of cold water, helped him to drink. "Sure you're not, Jean. None of you ever is. How are you feeling?"

"Good." Water soothed irritation in his throat and it was easier for him to speak. "What's wrong with me?"

"If you're feeling good, then probably nothing's wrong with you, don't you think so?"

Jean closed his eyes and took a deep breath that resulted in a sharp stab in his side. Yeah, he had known that pain already. Cracked ribs, hopefully not broken.

"My throat stings, my ribs ache, my head is throbbing. I'm tired. My vision is blurry but I can see." He didn't intend to add the latter out loud but he couldn't help it. The shadow of that horror, real or illusory, when he was so sure that he lost his sight was still vivid in his mind. "So what's wrong with me?"

"You breathed in some nasty smoke from a dead titan. It irritated your eyes, your throat and windpipe, but the lungs seem undamaged. I've never met with something so vicious before. Hanji's trying to work it out for future reference. You've burned your face and hand. It won't be scarring. Three of your ribs are cracked and you've earned twenty-seven stitches in left leg. You've lost a lot of blood and I had to use a potion to put you down to sleep, hence the tiredness. You're not dehydrated but you could use a good meal. That's all, I think."

Jean nodded. That didn't sound too bad. The smoke part - okay, it was better not to underestimate it as it was his eyes and lungs they were talking about, but the rest - nothing new. He should be allowed to go back to his quarters with something like that. He even should be able to train and fight in a day or two. After he got some more sleep, that is, preferably natural, not induced by drugs.

"Should I ask them to leave?" 

Stuart's soft voice made him realize that he closed his eyes again as if ready to fall asleep. He followed the medic's gaze with his own. Sasha, Connie and Armin were standing by the canvas that fenced his patient's space, looking hesitant and relieved at the same time.

"Can we come in?" Armin asked without specifying who he was addressing: Jean or the medic.

Jean offered a quiet 'always', and Stuart invited them closer and then left them alone, going to his other patients if he even had any.

Sasha sat down on the edge of the bed carefully, Armin took the chair vacated by the medic and Connie got the second one from somewhere for himself. Before anyone of them could speak, Sasha leaned over and very gently, aware of all the bandages, hugged Jean. She sniffed pitifully, her eyes suspiciously shiny.

"I'm glad you're alright," she whispered. "I was afraid that-" She stopped and took a moment before continuing awkwardly, "That you won't be."

Jean wrapped his bandaged arm around her shoulders as she was holding the undamaged one tightly in her grip, pressing it to her chest like some treasure.

"Hey, Braus, you know that's not so easy to-"

"Yes, it is so easy!" she cut in sharply, not letting him finish. Her next words were softer, but still accusing. "So very, very easy."

"Sasha, not now." Connie leaned forward and stroked her back soothingly. If he caught on Jean's hand at the same time and squeezed it just a little, no one said a word about it. Sasha nodded, quickly wiped at her face and then pulled out a small, misshapen autumn apple from under her jacket. Jean refused the gift, saying something about quivering stomach. Sasha shrugged and bit into the fruit.

"So, how are you feeling?" she asked. "Because you look awful, you know."

"Sasha," Armin admonished her gently. The girl froze realizing what she had said, but before she could amend herself, Jean replied exactly like he did when Stuart had asked him the same question.

"Yeah, right, good my ass." Connie didn't seem convinced. "Because Sasha's right, my friend. You look awful."

Jean rolled his eyes - so small and insignificant gesture and how very satisfying it can be if one's able to use it; he didn't appreciate it nearly enough before.

"So I must look worse than I feel. Where are the others?"

He had to ask, because even if he remembered seeing Eren and Mikasa at his bedside, he wasn't sure if that were his memories or just some kind of hallucinations. 

"We're not good enough for you?" Connie asked teasingly. Sasha stood up to slap him upside the head, and Armin sighed.

"They are fine," Armin assured him as he obviously deciphered the true meaning of Jean's question. "Mikasa and Eren spent the whole evening here, Eren stayed long into the night and Stuart had to throw him out."

"We got back to the recruits, because they needed someone with them after- After." Sasha's voice rang with regret as if it was wrong to try to reassure jittery kids after the fiasco that their raid transformed into instead of sitting uselessly by the bed of an unconscious friend. Her words made him realize something. New wave of nausea swept through him while blood drained from his face, leaving him dizzy.

"Jean?" Sasha once again, but he didn't listen to her anymore. How irresponsible leader he turned out to be, how bad a member of the squad. Focused only on himself, on his own pain and tiredness.

"They- Kris?"

So far he didn't even ask about the status of his subordinates, not once. And then, when he realized what a poor commanding officer he was, only one name got through his throat, the name of his dead best friend's brother. He felt so much worse for that, but he really, really needed to know.

"He's battered, a little bruised, but generally fine," Sasha hurried with assurances, clutching his hand as an anchor for his troubled mind. "You did well, Jean, you were in time to help him. Kris is safe and he's preparing for a training with others just as we speak."

"That's why Mikasa and Eren aren't here," Connie added. "Mike ordered Eren's shift for all recruits to see his titan. He said it's the only thing we can do so the kids won't drown in fear of titans after all that happened yesterday. We need to show them that nothing has changed, that a failure means nothing and the Survey Corps still requires them to fight the enemy. With help of a friendly titan on our side."

Jean propped on his elbow, trying to get up.

"There shouldn't be any raids without me." He gritted his teeth when his ribs ached at a too rapid movement.

"I don't think there will be any raids for a couple of days," Armin assured him, forcing Jean to lie back. "Rest. Regain your strength. You will be needed, soon."

Jean didn't take his gaze off Armin's eyes in a silent challenge, but Armin, although of gentle nature, could also be stubborn and obstinate, and he chose just that moment to prove it. 

"Don't you understand, Jean? If you fail to regain your strength on time, your squads will depart without you. And not just to some trap with a couple of lower class titans but on a real expedition, _the_ expedition. That's what you want?"

Jean yielded at that. He closed his eyes and shook his head slowly.

"Good." Armin patted his uninjured hand like he would an obedient dog or horse. There were times when Armin truly scared him. "We won't disturb you any longer now, we'll be back later. Try to look a little bit better, even just a tad would be an improvement. Okay?"

"Yes, sir." He meant it sarcastically, but it came pathetically quiet and submissive.

"Good," Armin repeated with recurring humor at a failed joke. He sounded softer, more like himself and not a cold and emotionless strategist. "Sleep now."

As her goodbye gift Sasha conjured up another apple and left it on the cabinet next to a cup freshly filled with water. Connie gave him a friendly 'see ya'. They were behind the canvas when Connie's tentatively spoken words reached his ears 'shouldn't we?' followed by Armin's firm disagreement 'not now'. He didn't wonder what it was supposed to mean and whether it was related to him or not. Bearing in mind Armin's words about regaining his strength for the upcoming expedition, he let himself drift off to sleep.

*

It was late afternoon when Jean emerged from his sleep to awareness of having another guest. Mike was sitting in a chair and resting his feet on the other one left there by Connie, a small book in his hands. He seemed absolutely absorbed in it, but as soon as Jean turned his head toward him, he slammed the book close, put it on the cabinet and leaned back in his chair, lowering his feet to the ground.

"How are you?" he asked.

"As if I wasn't on the side for twenty-odd hours, maybe even thirty, I'm not sure."

Mike smiled but it didn't reach his bright eyes.

"You need help with that?"

Jean shook his head.

"Nah. Just a stupid joke. Sorry."

Mike gave an inarticulate grunt, the meaning of which Jean didn't manage to guess. 

"Whatever you have to say, just say it," Jean asked. He had a feeling that the captain didn't come here with a courtesy visit.

Mike ran a hand through his hair, brushing long strands away from his face.

"There is no way to gentle it," he said softly in a completely uncharacteristic way for him. "Travis Grant is dead. He was killed by the aberrant. I wanted you to hear it directly from me."

So that was what Connie and Armin were talking about. They knew and they didn't tell him. When they mentioned Kris training with other recruits Jean assumed that all of them had returned in relatively good health. He didn't think to ask further questions, it didn't even occur to him that he should.

"Stuart told me that if your condition doesn't suddenly deteriorate, which is unlikely, you'll be able to return to your quarters soon. We will held a farewell ceremony tomorrow evening."

Jean nodded.

"After the ceremony I would like to give up the command of the squads."

Mike starred at him in a complete silence for a long while. It resembled the earlier incident with Armin, but there was no challenge between the two of them. Jean didn't feel up to challenging the captain. In fact he had an impression that something fogged his mind and blocked his clarity of thinking. Maybe in the meantime Stuart treated him more of Hanji's potion. Or maybe some kind of stupefying herbs were in water he drank.

"Jean," Mike began slowly, choosing his words carefully. "If we could refuse to take the command after a failed mission, if we could leave the Corps when a friend dies, there wouldn't be scouts anymore. Not a single cloak with the Wings."

"I don't want to leave, I do want to fight. I just don't want to command anymore. I shouldn't, I'm not good enough."

"In military no one asks what we want, Jean, you know that."

Jean turned his head, no longer able to withstand the compassionate gaze. He wasn't the one who deserved Mike's compassion.

"I'm responsible for Travis Grant's death starting with the fact it was my idea to use the traps for training," not true, really, because it was Eren's idea originally, but it didn't matter anymore, "finishing with my choosing of that particular place for squad 10th's operation, not identifying the aberrant and giving the order to attack. It's all my fault."

"Yeah, as a commanding officer you are responsible for every soldier who is under your orders. It's harsh, but Grant was only the first one who died, and many more will die yet on your watch. But this time, the blame is mine, because I was the highest ranking officer there. I failed to identify the aberrant, too, and I saw more of them than anyone of you did. I'm telling you this as a soldier fighting on the same front line, from the same position, as your friend and not the captain."

"If we didn't start with the traps, Travis would still be alive. He could be among those who return from the next expedition. He was a military police, he came from the top ten of two years ago. He had skills, technique. He was good."

"And where's the blind fate in all of this? How many talented and highly skilled scouts had died out there? Travis ran out of luck. It happens, you know that. Think about the others. About Nina. Without that experience she could fail on the battlefield just like she did in the trap. She still can but now she will think twice before she hastily try to feed her ambition. You're the one who gave her that chance. And she's not the only one." Mike stood up, but before he left Jean with all of this to think it through, he spoke again. "Tomorrow morning I'm taking your squads to the traps. Not everyone has to kill a titan personally, but they all need to see them die."

He didn't wait for Jean's response, but that was good because Jean had none except unjustified protests. When he was left alone, he looked at the cabinet where the book brought by Mike was still present.

It was a notebook, really, filled from the first to the last page with neat handwriting. Jean leafed through a part of it. It looked like soldier notes, here and there punctuated with thoughtlessly doodled pictures mostly of naked shapely ladies in provocative poses. He put the notebook back on the cabinet, because all those pictures and letters were blurring into unreadable spots before his tired eyes. But then he snatched it back and slid under his pillow, so it wouldn't be left in prying eyes' view.

*

It was damn hard to put on the uniform and not to damage the dressings in the process. Pants especially proved to be difficult, fitting like a second skin and irritating the stitches hidden under a single layer of bandage. He had to give up the harness, because the stiff strip on the back prevented him from breathing freely as his ribs were still healing. Jaeger, Arlert and Springer all offered their help at some point, but Jean refused it each time. Only when it came to putting on jacket over his bandaged hand he let Eren help him to pull the sleeve over it.

Since the recruits were banned from visiting him in medical barrack - too many of them expressed such intention - he saw his soldiers on the central square right before the ceremony. Travis' family refused to take the body for a private funeral, stating that their son was a part of the Corps and would like to be to the very end. It would be his wish to get a final farewell in the presence of his brothers and sisters in arms.

Everyone greeted him with respectful salutes. He didn't know what he was expecting but there weren't any negative emotions directed toward him. There was grief, despair for a lost companion, a few had wet eyes and didn't hide their tears. There was bitterness and a shadow of fear, but also a quiet acceptance, because even though the first death in the squad undeniably came as a shock, they all knew the statistics. Every third scout didn't return from the expeditions beyond the Walls. A couple days ago it got Travis, tomorrow it may fall upon you.

What wasn't there were accusatory glances and hate burning in eyes.

During the assembly led by Commander Shadis under a flapping flag of the Corps, Jean stood among his soldiers, Eren and Mikasa on his side, Armin and Toni further in the row. Sasha and Connie took place in their respective squads. After the formal part had ended, an honorable guard, consisting of squads 8th, 9th and 10th and senior scouts that took part in the raids, escorted the body to a funeral pyre, followed by Captain Zoe, Captain Zacharius, Commander Shadis and Travis' family. The pyre burst into flames, sending sparks up to the sky.

After the ceremony Jean approached Travis' parents. He came to a halt at a respectable distance in front of middle-aged pair, offering salute. The fairly-haired woman stood in her husband's secure embrace, facing away from the pyre. Their mourning robes were neat but devoid of rich ornaments. They weren't of a high status.

"Ma'am, sir," he began hesitantly, but quickly mastered his slightly shaking voice. He stood at attention, ignoring twinge in his side, and tried again, more confident. "Ma'am, sir, I'm squad leader Kirschtein. I was the commanding officer of your son. I would like to offer my condolences and assure you that-"

"That Travis died a glorious death in the service of all humanity?" Mrs. Grant whirled in her husband's arms to face Jean. Before he could stop himself, he took a step back. Travis, when alive, was a striking image of her, had her gray eyes and gentle features. Mrs. Grant wanted to scream at him more, but her voice broke and only a whisper escaped her trembling mouth. "I don't care about all humanity."

"My love-" Her husband tried to wrap her in his arms again, but she didn't let him.

"A squad leader?" She reached with her hand as if to touch Jean's face where an angry bruise was still present, but she let it fall back down. "Goddesses. They do not let you grow up here, do they? There's no time for that. They shed upon you a responsibility for our children when you only cease to be children yourself." A small sob escaped her.

"My love, please," Travis' father repeated firmly, hugging his wife reassuringly. She immediately hid her face in his shoulder, crying openly. Not stopping comforting caresses over her shaking back, Mr. Grant addressed Jean. "We accept condolences, squad leader Kirschtein. Now, leave us, son, to our grief."

Jean made a ceremonial salute that was intended for the most formal occasions, and slowly, limping a little, he made his way toward his quarters. He knew he should go back to the squads, should go check with Mike. But he didn't stop till he reached his room.

He didn't know how long he stood there in darkness, motionless, feeling- What was he feeling? Regret? Yeah, that. The burden of guilt? For sure. Relief that it was over for now?

He didn't react when the door opened with an audible creak. Someone came in, closed the door and came to a halt behind him. His cloak was drawn off his shoulders, then his jacket. Eren, because it could only be Eren, turned him cautiously around and reached for his belt.

"I don't-" He wanted to say that he wasn't interested in sex, but he was interrupted before he finished.

"Be quiet," Eren said firmly, though his hands remained cautious and gentle when he pulled his shirt out of his pants to help him to take it off. He inspected bandages on his chest. They had to pass the inspection, because in no time Eren was handling fastenings of his pants, again. Very gently Jean was pushed toward the bed. "Sit."

Jean sat down obediently while Eren knelt before him to take care of his boots. All it took was a brief moment of sudden stillness between them, a shared look that electrified the darkness, for a magnetic contact of their lips. And when that happened, everything else ceased to matter.

Eren's kisses, just like all his gestures that evening, were cautious and gentle, devoid of urgency and overwhelming passion, subtle and saying so much more than Jean was ready to hear. They were also strangely salty. Between one and another, Eren managed to deal with his boots, then his pants. Jean didn't catch in time a painful hiss when the stiff material moved over dressing that wore small traces of blood.

"We have to re-do it," Eren decided, looking at his wound with anxious eyes.

"Leave it. It doesn't bleed any longer."

He had no idea whether the wound was bleeding or not, but clearly his pants were still white, not dark red, so it couldn't be bad.

Somehow Eren listened to him. Again, he gently pushed Jean, that time to lay him down on the bed. He knelt on the matress beside him. 

"I'm not-" Once again Jean tried to loyally warn him that he wouldn't be able to finish anything they start together there. The result was the same. Eren interrupted him with a soft sounding 'shut up'. The words were harsh, but the meaning behind them was soothing.

Eren got rid of his own jacket and boots and then returned to the bed. He pulled back the blankets, waited for Jean to worm his way under, and then slid next to him, covering them both.

"What are you doing?"

He smiled slightly at Jean's indignation. In a barely noticeable manner he ghosted his fingertips over his wounded cheek, and then joined their lips again.

Jean didn't acknowledge the moment he found himself completely in Eren's arms. Their kisses were slowly burning out, softening, and he was balancing on the line between consciousness and sleep. Eren's hand was painting invisible patterns on his very visibly bruised skin, but rather than irritating, it was calming and reassuring.

It had to be really late when Armin and Connie returned to the room. Jean woke up from half-sleep he didn't know he fell into to the rustle of clothes and bed sheets. The arm wrapped around his middle tightened just a tad. Eren's lips brushed tenderly over his temple. 

"Shh, sleep. I'm not going anywhere till morning, neither are you," Eren whispered into his ear so quietly that it probably escaped the other two. Jean relaxed a little. Then, ignoring his protesting ribs, he turned to bury his face in Eren's chest. As if in a reward for right decision Eren caressed the nape of his neck, his fingers stroking over a buzz there and sliding into the longish strands of his hair. Then he kissed him one last time. Well, Jean guessed it was one last time; he wasn't sure, but didn't register anything after that, because the exhaustion took over, finally dragging him into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the truth's out. Jean's a little tortured soul here. Hope you enjoyed his battered self.  
> Thank you for all kudos left on the previous chapters. Please be assured that all feedback is greatly appreciated and loved.


	5. Chapter 5

Cart house maintenance team. That was Jean's assignment when he got medical clearance for light duty. No aerial training for him in the nearest future, no horse riding and patrolling in the next six to eight days. Armin's words about getting back to full health as quick as humanly possible were still sound in his mind, so Jean didn't even think about messing with his orders. Cart house duty was better than sitting all day long on his hands, and besides it wasn't as if helping maintenance team was in any way degrading. A little dull, yes, but with as much importance as any other task in the fort. All of their carts were due for thorough inspection before the big expedition, being out of service for so long, and the necessary repairs were taking much more time than it had been intended. Jean wasn't really a skilled craftsman but he knew how to use a hammer or a chisel or a file. As long as he didn't do any heavy lifting, he was good to work.

Still, when he had some free time and his squads weren't practicing runs with titan-Eren or surveying the traps with Mike, he was supervising them. From the muddy ground, with no harness and no blades of his own, but supervising no less. Sasha and Connie were pretty good with the kids; especially Sasha had fun playing a hard, unyielding, almost sadistic squad leader, 'playing' being the key word. Time after time she yelled at them, pointing wrong stances, wrong moves: 'horses could do better given maneuver gear adapted to shod hooves' and 'you won't stop making such childish mistakes, there won't be even a single potato in your immediate future'. Keith Shadis himself wouldn't be ashamed of such tirades. Next to her, Connie was like a gentle comforter, going from kid to kid and patiently explaining what to do to please squad leader Braus; but of course it couldn't last forever and every time he got bored, he was stealing Sasha's role in their "good commander, mad commander" performance. Recruits tolerated these little games of theirs, taking to heart all their comments, but not the silly wording or overbearing tone of their voices. It was fun to watch, too, and Jean, witnessing the display from afar, smiled from time to time despite himself. His smiles were fading almost immediately, not lasting longer than a split second.

The empty space left where Travis Grant should be wasn't really showing, not with the constant movement amongst soldiers and pre-expedition turmoil in the fort. It would be easy to imagine that Travis was training with his fellow recruits, just out of sight, listening to Sasha's tirades and trying his best to master every move she threw at them. It would be easy to imagine the boy still lived and that there was no reason to feel guilty. Jean had never played with thoughts like that before, not after Trost and not after any of the Corps' previous expeditions, and he wouldn't start now. All of their fallen comrades - and Travis amongst them - deserved better, deserved to be remembered for who they were: friends and soldiers who fought and who died in the battle. 

"Hey, Kirschtein, you okay?"

He didn't look at Toni Hayes when she came to a halt right at his side. He didn't answer her right away. For a moment they simply watched Sasha and Connie drilling the kids. When he spoke, he formed his own question.

"Do you think they know that Grant's farewell ceremony was for every one of them -every one of _us_ who won't come back and there won't be even a piece of body to burn in a pyre? When there will be too much bodies for individual pyres of their own?"

"Funny thoughts, I see," Toni muttered and stepped a little closer, so their shoulders almost brushed against each other. "What's worse to you?"

He saw both: common pyres in Trost with oh-so-many bodies piled together, and disjointed remains that couldn't be used to identify an individual; then there were bodies of his brothers in arms left purposely for titans as a distraction, no pyres for them at all. All of it was bad, there wasn't really a scale for something like that.

"Wanna stay there. So my mom wouldn't have to see what's left."

"What about a closure? You wouldn't want that for her, let her to give her child a farewell on the way into the eternity?"

He hadn't thought about it in that way. It was so long since the last casualty in their ranks before Travis, that somewhere along the way they all forgot how it was to live in a constant shadow of death.

"You think it's easier like that -after?"

"Well, do you think it would be better if you didn't really know what had happened to your friend back then, just that he's not with you anymore?"

She was talking about Marco. He had never said anything about Marco to her, but Mikasa or Armin or Eren probably had. It wasn't a secret, not really, and she was a friend, so her knowing wasn't a problem. Still, he didn't have to like to talk about it, especially with someone who hadn't even known Marco when he was alive.

"I don't know what really happened, just that he's dead."

He couldn't help himself, he had to see Kris then. Luckily, the boy was easy to spot, not far away from their watching point, doing sit-ups, push-ups and jumps in time with Connie's shouted commands. He was in good form, no doubt about that. Still, there were better than him. Felix Khole for instance. Ron Lorentz and Florian Black. All three former military police (but hadn't been Grant one, either?). Mihay Saushkin, Yann Bronte - two surprising black horses from Sasha's squad. Andrea Anderson, the best girl among the forming elite. They were strong, fast. Even now, in a simple drill routine, they all strayed ahead of their other comrades.

As if he felt Jean's eyes, Kris turned around to look at him. He didn't seem surprised at his commander's attention. He didn't smile or question it in any way when their stares met, but there was a spark of some kind of acknowledgement in hazel eyes. Jean wasn't sure what it was supposed to mean.

He still had this talk with Kris to finish and he still dreaded the moment he wouldn't have any excuse at hand to delay it further.

"Hey, Kirschtein, you up to some sparing?"

Well, that was unexpected. He raised his eyebrows at Toni.

"I'll be gentle, promise." She smirked wickedly and beckoned him with a wave of her fingers. 

"What, here? I have to say you're brave, Hayes. Not even Stuart's wrath scares you."

Toni dropped her hands and took a step back.

"Okay, you're right. I may be restless but not suicidal. Come on, to the training barrack. The mats there will be better for you than mud, anyway. And we don't want to bruise your manly ego too much, sparing in front of your kids."

She started toward the barracks, but turned around when Jean didn't follow immediately.

"Come on, it will be good for you to move a little. Not too much, mind you, just a little. Nothing too ambitious."

He knew what she was doing. And, strangely, he didn't mind to prove to her to be so easy to distract from grim thoughts with a simple offer of a spar.

She was gentle, uncharacteristically so. Normally, she would give him a run for his money, and in the pitiful state he was in, she should wipe the mats with him in three seconds straight, maybe even less, and laugh at that. She didn't; it was just like she promised. She made him move a little, made him work to even brush the fabric of her uniform with his knuckles, but she alone didn't touch him, even mockingly. It was frustrating, yes, but it also made him think less loudly. 

After, when he was breathing harshly, physically exhausted but mentally surprisingly okay with the world - for a moment at least - Toni sat next to him and nudged him with her shoulder.

"Better?" she asked.

He smiled very slightly.

"Yeah. Thanks, Hayes."

"Anytime, Kirschtein."

He stood up and stretched cautiously, mindful of his aching ribs.

"I should go and make myself useful. There's still plenty of work with carts and tackling gear."

"You know, you better work fast. We'll need the carts in no time."

Jean looked at her closely, but she only shrugged. Her next little gesture of tearing an imaginary paper to shreds was all he needed as an explanation.

"You were on patrol this morning?"

"Yes," she confirmed. "But don't say anything just yet. I didn't have the chance to tell Mikasa, and I want to be the one she hears about it from. I can't wait when we're all on the move again." 

He stared at her only a little incredulously.

"You're crazy, you know that, right?"

"Aren't we all? It's 'volunteers only' club, remember?" She smirked before she took off, leaving him alone in the room.

So there was new note from Levi, and Toni was the one to find it, read it and destroy it. That meant-

That meant that he should go back to the cart house and finish his job as soon as possible. But before, he should tell Sasha and Connie to push the kids to their limits till they still have time to learn something, because the big test is just right around the corner, hordes of titans waiting for them with their hands widely spread in invitation.

*

There was a commotion on the central square. It was time for recruits to return from the practice with titan-Eren, but normally even a dozen or so after-fight-excited kids didn't do so much ruckus. And- was that a call for a medic?

Jean left a leather harness he was checking for abrasions and looseness in the joints - it was his last day of light duty before the check up and final clearance - and got outside. That were his kids, all right, but in an anxious state he hadn't seen them yet. There wasn't even a pretence of order among the squads getting in through the gate. Some of them were already out of saddles and rushing toward medical barrack, horses left behind with no care to wander around. There really were calls for assistance needed, but Jean couldn't see any serious injuries. But not all of them were there, yet. He searched for his squad leaders and frowned when he found them among the clearly panicking kids, both grimly trying to calm them. Toni, who just rode in with a last group of recruits following her, tried to stop the ones who frantically herded two alarmed medics toward the gate.

"What the-" He strode in Sasha and Connie's direction, trying to count the kids on his way and evaluate the state they were in. The plain contrast in behavior between recruits and older scouts was distracting, but even before he reached them, he managed to check twice that all the youngsters were present, in diversified rate of anxiety, but relatively in good health. Who he wasn't seeing were Eren, Mikasa and Armin.

"What's going on?" He asked, trying for calm, when he got to Connie. "Where are the others?"

Connie's face constricted in bemusement, but instead of answering Jean's questions, he called to the medics, who were running to them with the deep conviction that their help was strongly required.

"It's Eren. He's conscious and mostly in one piece, so..."

...so the medical assistance wasn't really necessary. Ingrid Werner, who was first to reach them, momentarily relaxed. Stuart, right at her heels, also lost the frown of concentration that masked his anxiety.

"I'm here already, so I'll wait for him," Ingrid said, waving Stuart off. Ratcliff just shook his head with seeming annoyance at the 'prank', but a relief that came with the assurance that he wasn't really required to rummage in some unfortunate soldier's guts, was plain in his softened stare. 

"Will someone tell me what the fuck happened?" Jean demanded, this time not cutting off on strings of curses that followed.

"Calm down, okay?" Connie ran both his hands tiredly over his rough buzz, before he slid down from the saddle. "He's okay. Mostly. It was an accident. Unlucky one, but an accident. Look, he's there with Mikasa."

Just as Connie finished, Eren rode in through the gates together with Mikasa - together as in sitting before her, her arm wrapped tightly around his middle and supporting him. Jean didn't listen to Connie's explanations anymore, just rushed to them.

"Shit, Jaeger, what did you do?"

Eren groaned as if Jean's loud shout was the source of all his aches and not the apparent wounds that, despite being hidden under his thick cloak, gave themselves away with the shifter's smoke.

"Shut up and help me down," he muttered, and then added, not to Jean, but Mikasa. "It's okay, I'm okay. You can let me go now, I won't faint and fall, I promise."

"Carefully," Mikasa said, securing him while Jean tried to support him from the ground. Eren slid down right into his waiting arms. There was twin grunt of pain from both of them.

"We make a fine pair," Eren chuckled, half-conscious, and hissed when it made him hurt more. He tightened his hand on Jean's shoulder. His second one was securely hidden beneath the cloak.

"I know, you couldn't be bested even in injuries. But how? How did you get wounded in a practice run on a meadow right outside the fort, _inside the Walls_?"

"Well, you were lazing your ass the whole time, so, figures. And it was stupid accident. Ow, I need to lie down for a moment, be lazy on my own."

Mikasa, not amused in the slightest to be so blatantly ignored, cut in before Jean could answer.

"I'll take him to the quarters. You can come, too, if you want."

Right after she wrapped her arm back around Eren, Mike and Hanji joined them, drawn on the yard by the commotion.

"What's going on here?" Mike asked while Hanji took hold of Eren's cloak to open it and look at his wounds.

"Oi, Eren, your hand!"

Eren tried to move away, but he didn't really have where to between Jean, Mikasa and the two captains.

"I may have lost consciousness while a titan and they may have to cut me out a little. But it's okay now. I just... Let me sit down somewhere?"

Mike pursued his lips and then nodded sharply.

"Okay. Jaeger, go with medic Werner to have your injuries checked. The rest of you, I'm waiting for the full report in my office."

Hanji stayed with them a moment longer to make sure that Eren would go to the medic barrack as ordered. It was no secret that he preferred to get back to health in his own quarters, not in a patient's bed. But there was no way around Mikasa, and she personally escorted him to the medics. Armin went with them.

"Go to lecture room, we'll join you soon," Connie said to the recruits. Sasha sent them away with a nod, grim expression still on her face.

"So, are you telling me what happened now, or am I to know while you report to Mike?" asked Jean, looking after the kids, who were leaving them as ordered, whispering among themselves, still nervous and shaken. 

"At Mike's," Connie answered, already heading toward Zacharius' office.

Jean looked at Sasha, then at Toni, but the girls just shrugged. Sighing, Jean trailed after them, throwing back just one furtive stare toward the medic barrack.

It was an accident, Mike decided when he heard Connie's summary of the events. They had been practicing a run with titan-Eren, riding in full gallop, chasing after him. One after another they were shooting their hooks up to Eren's neck to fly up and mark the thick skin in the proper place. Several rounds of that exercise went flawlessly, before one of the kids lost his footing, entangled into his own link, and slid down. He had to panic and he drove his sword into Eren's neck to secure himself and it cut a deep vertical gash before it stuck in titan's meaty shoulder. The titan went down as Eren, wounded, lost consciousness. When he didn't emerge on his own, Mikasa and Connie cut him out, and they had no choice but to sacrifice his right hand while doing it.

"Wait, you were saying it was Nill Rinke?" Jean asked, frowning. There was something he remembered about Rinke from their introductions during Morgan lecture.

"Yeah, what about him?"

"It could be nothing, but he's from Stohess. I remember he said that he had witnessed Eren fighting Annie."

"So...?" Sasha prompted carefully, darkening at the thought of what Jean was implying. Mike didn't say anything yet, waiting for the rest of it.

"Are you sure-" Jean didn't finish, flinching slightly at the idea. He hated it as much as they probably did, but Eren got hurt and if it wasn't really accidental-

"I'm pretty sure," Connie confirmed, but he didn't really seem too convinced. "He did it properly in the first and second round. The third try was just a bad luck. I don't think he could tangle in his link like this on purpose, it looked unexpected and more than a little painful, in fact."

"He was terrified, after," Sasha added. "He couldn't stop apologizing and was repeating over and over that he didn't want to hurt Eren."

"It could be an act." Fuck, Eren got hurt almost every time he went beyond the Walls and fought as the rouge titan. But to get wounded by his own comrade just outside the fort? It was unacceptable, accident or not. It would be so stupid way to go - assassinated among friends during a routine training session. Jean's earlier uneasiness was slowly replaced by the raising rage.

"There's no proof, and your side of the events provides nothing incriminating on his actions, but indeed, it all could be some intricate plan," Mike agreed darkly. He didn't like the idea, that much was clear, but he wouldn't risk Eren's health and life. "There were casualties of the clash in Stohess. I'll ask Hanji to look thoroughly through Rinke's records. Then we'll talk to him. Meanwhile, we'll have to have an eye on him. I'm far from condemning someone with only unconfirmed speculations, especially one of our own, but we can't take such great risks. There won't be any more runs with Eren."

"Yes, sir."

"I'm waiting for the written report of today's run. And only that. Dismiss."

"Captain."

They left, somber and not in the mood to talk about it any longer.

"What now?" Sasha was first to break the silence when they stepped out of the headquarters and into the yard.

"I've my own duties to go back to, so unless you need me for something, I'm taking off," Toni answered. There was no objections, so she nodded and headed away.

"We're going back to the kids," Connie announced and Sasha agreed with him. 

"They need a thorough walk-back of today's run and then some lecture on the after mission action. They were panicking like headless chickens on Sunday," she said and then addressed Jean. "You coming?"

"You need me there?" He probably should go with them, give the kids his own lecture, but the thought about Rinke was awakening something dark and nasty inside him. He was aware that as the commanding officer he really should be there for his soldiers, his personal feelings on the matter unimportant till proven right. But the primal need to hit something was overwhelming. His presence then and there could be pretty much counterproductive. He would rather Connie and Sasha have a go at lecturing and then assuring the kids. They both were more than capable of doing it just right.

"You're going to check on Eren?"

It seemed, their conversation shifted into an endless string of questions, and someone had to cut it.

"I've got things to do, too, you know. Duty and stuff like that."

Sasha frowned, Connie muttered something under his nose. They exchanged cryptic gazes. Sasha left them without a word.

Jean rolled his eyes, and started toward the cart house.

"Whatever it's about, just save it," he called over his shoulder, before Connie had a chance to say anything.

"Don't be an ass, Kirschtein!" Connie swore and caught up with him. "I see you're mad, you don't fool anyone, you know. Just go there, see he's alright, and then go on with everything you have to do. It would do you good."

"I know he's alright. You brought him conscious and pretty much in one piece minus a hand. He's a bloody shifter, that's hardly a grievous wound even for you or me, let alone him."

"I would go check on him if I didn't have to go back to panicking kids you would gladly smack 'round right this moment, if it helped any. It wouldn't, but seeing Eren-"

"He's not dying, for fuck's sake." He wanted to say that he didn't want to hit anyone, too, but such blatantly lie wouldn't stand a chance with Connie.

"You weren't dying, neither, when he sat by your bedside the whole fucking night." Connie held a dramatic silence after that, but it didn't last long. He sighed, exasperated, and said, "The avoiding thing you both are doing, it's beyond stupid, you know. Take your head out of your ass, and just do something about it, will ya already?"

With that gracious parting line, Connie left him in front of the cart house. Jean swore. He looked at the barrack his quarters where in. It was possible he would feel better if he saw Eren safe and sound under the protective eyes of Mikasa and Armin, but probably he was more prompt to get even more furious in the face of Eren's friendly-blade sustained wounds. And besides-

Besides, they _were_ in that strange space where they didn't really see each other too often. There wasn't really time, with the upcoming expedition and their different assignments. And after the night of Grant's farewell ceremony- They didn't talk about it, they certainly didn't repeat it. Fumbling together in dark corners when the pressure was too much, was one thing. Spending a night sharing a bed, and with others in the room, too, oh, that was another story altogether. They were friends, that much was true for a long time, now, and they had their moments of heated encounters, but nothing more than that. There was war, they were soldiers. There was no need to complicate things beyond the state they were already in.

That night was a complication; he could be honest with himself and say that, even if only in the confinement of his mind. He could be honest, there was more of complications between them, kisses and touches and stares that shouldn't have the effects on him like they had.

He could be honest: the rage he felt at the thought of Eren dying under the hand of a stupid recruit was justified; he would feel the same in regard to Connie or Sasha, or Mikasa, or Armin, or Mike. The fear, too, it was understandable. But the blinding panic-

He didn't want to feel _that_.

_...I've been waiting for you, Jean._

He wasn't supposed to feel that.

When moments later he came to a stop in his own quarters' entrance instead of a cart house, he swore quietly, but didn't turn back. Eren was asleep. Mikasa's immediate hiss "don't try to wake him" stopped Jean in the door. She was alone with Eren, lying on Armin's bed with a book she certainly wasn't reading, too busy watching over her brother. Armin probably returned to his duty after Eren was safely deposited into his own bed to sleep it off.

"He's healing?" he asked, not entering the room. There was red accent between otherwise rather colorless standard issued covers of Eren's bed: Mikasa's scarf was snuggly wrapped around Eren's neck, hiding from view half of his face, where small lacerations were still emitting subtle tendrils of smoke. She always did that whenever she felt guilty because she had been the one to cut Eren out of a fallen titan's carcass and hurt him in the process.

"He's healing," she confirmed, looking at her book to hold an illusion of reading. "Come morning, there won't be even a bruise."

"Yeah, I know." 

The skin visible from under the covers and the scarf was too pale and almost dead-looking, but it wasn't unusual for injured Eren. Healthy coloring was always the last thing to come back in the regeneration process. As Mikasa had said, come morning, Eren would be as new.

He left the quarters with a small nod toward Mikasa. He just confirmed all what he had said to Connie: Eren wasn't dying, Eren was healing, Eren didn't need him at his bedside to get better. Mikasa's company and watchful eyes were more than sufficient.

And he really had things to do.

*

"You're here, good. I was looking for you."

Jean didn't get much done, when Connie stormed in, calling him from the entrance. He seemed shaken and fidgety with nervous energy. Before Jean had a chance to ask for explanation, Connie was already dragging him out and back toward Mike's office.

"We've got a problem. Burke had Nill arrested."

"What?" Jean yanked his arm free from Connie's grip and quickened his pace. "How does Burke know what happened?"

"Not from us, that much is sure. But our return was such a mess, and I'm guessing it probably didn't take much for the PMs to gather all the info and pass it to him. We don't even know what are the official charges. Guards are under strict orders to keep it quiet."

"'s not good. Not at all."

Mike confirmed that it indeed sounded pretty bad. He didn't even wait for all Connie had to say on that matter, just went to Burke for explanations. They stayed behind, not authorized to take part in affairs between highest ranking officers if not called. It took some time, and when Mike returned, angry and bitter, they knew he didn't have good news.

"Nill will stay in the custody till tomorrow morning's official interrogation. Commander Shadis and Captain Zoë are aware of the current situation, but as the law jurisdiction lies in Captain Burke's hands, he has the right to proceed as he sees fit."

"What do we do?"

"Nothing. We can do nothing. There were big words falling from Burke's mouth: 'treason' and 'mankind's traitor'. I don't think he believes it in the slightness, but he will play that card just to spite us. He doesn't even know that Rinke's from Stohess. He's ready to let him go after the night in arrest, 'for clumsiness, if nothing else', as he said."

"There's no way around it?"

"There's no way around it. And to think it's three days before the expedition."

There was no more conversation after this. Mike dismissed them with the order of not releasing that last part to their squads till official announcement. 

"Go to Sasha and the kids," Jean said, not really looking at Connie, when they left Mike's office. "I'll go check on Rinke."

"You sure you want to go there alone?" 

Was it concern in Springer's voice? And for who, exactly: Jean or Nill? If nothing else, the bars of the jail would prevent Jean from doing anything stupid. 

"Pretty sure. Go."

Figures, the day as it was, couldn't come to an end with Rinke simply being held in a cell, alone. When Jean got to the arrest, he found Nill copped together with three other men, way out of the sight and earshot of guards. The boy was huddled in a corner, arms tightly wound around his slender form, face hidden behind his knees, just eyes visible, wary stare bored in his cellmates.

"Hey, look, the kid-leader came to check on his kid-soldier," came the mocking voice of one of them.

Jean gritted his teeth, but otherwise he ignored nasty laugh of Benno.

"Guard!" he called, not taking his eyes from Nill, who didn't react in any way on his arrival. When one of the PMs came in lazily, not really interested in shouts of scouts' team leader, Jean asked through clenched teeth, "What the hell is he doing in a cell with those criminals?"

The guard actually smirked, purposefully not looking into the cell as if he didn't want to see anything that went on behind the bars.

"He's a recruit, they're recruits, no need to mess with other cells. Anything else, team leader Kirschtein?"

"They're criminals, not recruits. I demand you separate them, right now."

"Do you really, team leader? 'Cause I don't think any of you scouts have any jurisdiction in this place. Everything stays as it is, _kid_."

He turned on his heal and disappeared back in front room.

Jean swore. He could go back to Mike with it, but he wasn't sure even the Captain could do something about it. It was as he had said: they had no way around Burke's orders regarding jail.

He came closer to the bars. The redhead convict was smiling nastily, clearly amused with the scene he witnessed. Small consolation was that his other two companions seemed more subdued in Jean's presence; they probably still remembered the lesson they got in the titan trap.

"Rinke? Are you all right?"

Nill raised his face to look at him, and Jean winced at the sight of a forming bruise on the boy's cheek and a trace of blood from a cut under one of his eyes. The bruise could be from earlier, from his misfortune on the run, but the blood was fresh. It was just as Jean feared, the guards weren't intending to stop the criminals from hurting a scout. Quite on the contrary, probably. 

"I'm fine, sir."

"He's fine all right, this one little blondie," Benno sing-songed with his trademark guffaw. "We were getting acquainted, as good cellmates we are, when you came in, kid-leader."

"I won't leave it like that," Jean hissed, not really sure he could carry on any threat right now, but threatening the trash, either way. "You take one step toward my soldier here, and I will kill you with my own bare hands."

Benno raised his hands in a mockingly placatory gesture.

"Aggressive much, hmm?" Benno grinned, but stayed in place, not playing with Jean's rage. He went to his cot, far away from Nill. "Do not worry, kid-leader. Your soldier is save with us like a sleeping baby in mother's arms."

Jean said nothing to that. He sat down on the ground in front of the cell, leaning heavily against the wall. He couldn't really do anything for Rinke right now, but he could stay here and have an eye on him, just like Mike had said that they should, even if not with the same intention.

The hours passed in a relative peace, with only few jeering and tantalizing comments threw here and there by Benno. It was pretty late, when someone else joined Jean.

"You intend to sleep here?" Eren asked, wrapped in a blanket and looking like a death warmed over. Frowning heavily, he stared at the three convicts, all of them seemingly asleep.

"I intend not to sleep, but, yeah, here." He didn't even felt tired, crackling energy buzzing under his skin. He surveyed Eren's state of healing process and shook his head in a clear disapprove. "You should be in bed."

"Yeah, probably." Eren came closer to the bars, wrapped one hand over the metal. "Nill?" He waited as the boy stood up, eyes wide and terrified at the sight of the shifter he had wounded. "It's all right, really. I know it was an accident and I'm not mad, okay? Things like that happen. We all know that and we won't hold it against you. It sucks you're here, now, but I'm sure it's only till tomorrow. Nothing else will happen. We won't let it."

The recruit nodded slowly. He didn't say anything, he just sat down back in his corner.

Eren raked a hand through his hair and looked back at Jean.

"'s not so long till morning," he said as he took a sit next to him on the ground.

"Jaeger, you don't need to-" Jean started, but Eren silenced him with a narrowed stare.

"Yeah, I do," he said. "Connie told me about- you know."

Jaeger must have been still healing, because he drifted into sleep almost immediately. It took a moment, but then, seemingly by chance, Jean found himself closer to him, Eren's head against his shoulder. His hand itched to sneak under the blanket just to find Eren's regenerated one, check if it was once again whole to the tips of his fingers, but he didn't do anything so stupid. It was already too much, when he saw a flash of a nasty grin in the semi-dark of the cell as his eyes strayed toward the corner where the convicts were lying. Fortunately, Benno didn't say anything, keeping the pretence of sleep.

Tomorrow won't be easy. First the interrogation, then Burke's verdict. The Captain, if nothing else, will try to humiliate the Corps, Rinke his sacrificial lamb. Then, Commander Shadis will announce the news about the expedition. And then- Then they all will start to prepare themselves for the inevitable.

Stupid or not, his hand found Eren's with no conscious thought on his part. The feel of newly regenerated warmer-than-normal skin was unexpectedly soothing. Instead of taking his hand back, Jean carefully entwined their fingers together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
